The Red Boa

Mojo Monday ~ Honey In Your Heart

2012-02-11T22:41:00.000-08:00

Writer and artist MaryAnne Radmacher shares that people have asked her over the years how shemaintains a cheerful outlook in the face of clear and occasionally discouragingcircumstances. Her response is that her latestbook, only just released on January 24, 2012, called HoneyIn Your Heart: Ways to See and Savor the Simple Good Things is her visual, concise, inspiring answer to that question.

Here is an excerpt of theintroduction: “My days are fully occupied. The many commitments and tasks in each day would happily fill my minutesfrom dawn to dusk – if I let them. I getto set aside time for the sweetest things in life. I make room in my heart for ‘honey,’ thosethings which are sweet, healing, and restorative. At the end of the day, these smallsweetnesses make up the taste that lingers. These become the real treasures that bring richness to life.”

The book has threesections. The first is called Ways to See. This is where Mary Anne explores “somepractical actions that create space in her heart and life for the more graciousactivities, the small celebrations.”

Thesecond is called Savor. Here is where you “will find many invitationsto celebrate and savor the sweetness, that festive firework of a ‘Yay!’ thatexplodes in your soul when something seems a bit like a holiday.” Here she “shares phrases, poems and thoughtsthat might inspire you to see the honey in your day that you’ve yet tonotice.”

The third section is called Simple, Good Things and this is whereMary Anne shares things that drew an audible “yay” in her experience. She shares that she wants her list “to be theinspiration for you to begin your own list.”

Honey In the Heart is a beautiful book filled with the inspirational writing and colorful art of Mary Anne Radmacher. Here is an example of beautiful word art that appears in the book.

She poses thoughtful questions ~ "What is the first things you set your sights upon in the morning? And how do you invite yourself in to a day that you intend to savor?"

She shares some of her poetry. Here is a poem about releasing pain from the book:

My pain stays in my wardrobe.

To wear it is always a choice...

The painful lyrics line my shelves.

Each page gives pain its voice...

My pain is in my history,

Giving impulse to my present view

It's brought me where I'm standing and now

I'll tell a bit to you -

For in the telling of the tale, pain feeds its weary soul.

In the space it takes in telling are my hours and

minutes - stole

From the freshness of this moment, from the truth of

this day's dawn, pain steals and rakes and rolls upon the

soiled beauty I garden on.

My pain's been ever with me.

But I tell you this time, clear,

It may have some this far with me,

but today - I'll leave it here.

The book closes beautifully with these words in the Afterword from Mary Anne.

Mary Anne Radmacher hastouched the hearts of tens and thousands with her popular cards, books,posters, journals, and gift books. Sheconducts workshops and writing seminars on living a full, creative, andbalanced life.

She is the author of thefollowing books:

Lean Forward into Your Life

Us: Celebrating the Power of Friendship

May You Walls Know Joy

Courage Doesn’t Always Roar

Live with Intention

Live Boldly

Please visit her website: http://www.maryanneradmacher.net/

Mojo Monday ~ Breaking Patterns

2012-02-04T21:54:00.000-08:00

Many who find themselves drawn to the Cosmic Cowgirl tribe of women would probably shake their heads knowingly if I was to say that becoming a Cosmic Cowgirl tends to shift things in one’s life. I have heard stories from variousCowgirls about the changes that occurred after becoming a member and taking courses, some of them huge, such as moving to a differentstate or country, leaving a dead end relationship, quitting jobs or retiring inorder to pursue an artist life.

The common thread I have pulled from their many stories isthe courage and the bravery each of these women finally found deep in theirsouls to find their voice, pursue their dreams, to claim who they are and whatthey really want in life. Sometimes thejourney is not smooth or easy. Changemay challenge not only those taking action, but also those close to them aswell. Sometimes family and friends lookon bewildered. Sometimes they arefearful of the change. Sometimes thosewho love us the best are not the most supportive traveling partners.

If all goes well everyone adjusts. If all goes well, when the chaos settles down,all those ties that bind will be strong and intact.

Here are some thoughtful words of wisdom about this verysubject from author Mark Nepo in The Bookof Awakening.

Breaking Patterns

If I contradictmyself, I contradict myself. I containmultitudes. ~ Walt Whitman

“We create patterns that others depend on, and then the lastthing we ever imagined happens; we grow and then to stay vital we must breakthe patterns we created.

There is no blame or fault in this. It is commonplace in nature. Watch the ocean and shore do their dance ofbuildup and crumble and you’ll see this happen daily.

We know we are close to this threshold when we hear someonesay, ‘You’re not yourself,’ or ‘That was out of character for you.’ What is difficult at this juncture is toresist either complying with how others see us or withholding who we reallyare.

The challenge, which I don’t do well but stay committed to,is to say to those we love, ‘I am more than I have shown you and more than youare willing to see. Let’s work our loveand know each other more fully.”

This is anawareness meditation. As you movethrough your interactions today, notice whether you arecomplying with howothers see you or withholding who you are.
After eachinteraction, simply breathe slowly once or twice and return to the fullness ofwho you are.

The reality is that things don’t always turn out as we thinkor hope they will. Sometimes relationships do not survive change and growth. Life continues on though. Hopefully one finds peace in one’s heart for those things that may feelunresolved. Forgiveness for one’s selfis paramount and ideally forgiveness for others follows. There is also a jewel of advice again fromMark Nepo in The Book of Awakeningregarding the role of compassion.

Feeling Beyond theHurt

Withstanding thetension between opposites until we know it is ‘enough’ releases us from theswing between one extreme and the other. ~ Helen Luke

“Sometimes, when I think of my parents, who have hurt me, Iam lulled by a wintering sky to feel for them, to try on their view, but in myempathy an old pattern kicks in and I start to lose the truth of my hurt, as ifthere’s only room of one set of feelings – theirs.

The struggle is a common one. So often we feel for others and loseourselves, or cut others off to preserve ourselves. Like a radio that can only tune to onestation at a time, it seems like only one side of things can be received,though all sides are broadcast.

But compassion is a deeper thing that waits beyond thetension of choosing sides. Compassion,in practice, does not require us to give up the truth of what we feel or thetruth of our reality. Nor does it allowus to minimize the humanity of those who hurt us. Rather, we are asked to know ourselves enoughthat we can stay open to the truth of others, even when their truth or theirinability to live up to their truth has hurt us.

This does now remove the emotional facts of our lives, nordoes it ask us to remain in a hurtful situation. Rather, compassion asks that we open likemountains to the sky, like mountains that can withstand every kind of weather.”

Sitquietly and bring to mind someone you are at odds with.
Breathedeeply and allow the truth of your feelings, not just the truth of yourposition, to rise.
Breatheevenly and allow the other person’s feelings, not just their position to rise.
Let yourbreathing ease and tension in you that either undermines yourself or underminesthis other.

What are yourexperiences with change and growth?

Has it had any impacton your relationships?

Have you evercomplied or withheld your true self from others?

How have you held true to yourself?

Mojo Monday ~ The Disease to Please

2012-01-30T09:44:00.000-08:00

Do you often defer to the wishes, desires, and wants of family and friends? Does your need to please and your lack of self-worth make it difficult to state what you need and what you want? Do you find it difficult to stand up for yourself, speak your truth and face potential or very real conflict?

Taken to the extreme a person who lets people walk over them is sometimes referred to as a doormat. Taken to the opposite extreme, a person who thinks only of their own needs and wants, might be called a narcissist or maybe selfish. What I have found is that the most healthy place to reside is in the middle. Staying in that middle area involves empowering yourself to know what you want and need and to seek that out, yet also to be kind and considerate of the needs and wants of others.

In the past I have stood my ground when someone was trying to treat me like a doormat or take advantage of my kind heart. However, my desire to please those I cared about could lead me to negate my own opinion, my own desires in order to make them happy. Sometimes making those we love happy is wonderful. I want my husband to be happy. I love to see him have his needs and wants fulfilled. The same goes for my children, extended family and close friends.

Problems can arise though when we do things to please out of fear. We may be fearful that if we don't do what our partner, family member, friends want, that they will be angry at us, perhaps even abandon us. Our self-esteem may be low enough that we think what others want is more important than what we want. We value others, more than we value ourselves.

Harriet B. Braker, PhD, author of The Disease to Please: Curing the People Pleasing Syndrome, shares this about the topic, "People pleasers are not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. Those who suffer from the Disease to Please are people who say 'Yes' when they really want to say 'No' - but they can't. They feel the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others like an addictive pull. Their debilitating fears of anger and confrontation force them to use 'niceness' and 'people-pleasing' as self-defense camouflage.

"They may appear to the outside world as perennial 'nice' people, but they are only concealing their true anger and resentment behind public 'happy faces.' And they are hurting themselves and those they would otherwise seek to please.""For many, the difficulty may start innocently enough with genuine and generous attempts to make others happy. But this seemingly harmless passion to always be 'nice,' to put others first and to compulsively please them even at the expense of your own health and happiness rapidly spirals into a serious psychological syndrome with far-reaching physical and emotional consequences."

According to reviews "The Disease to Please explodes the dangerous myth that people-pleasing is just a simple problem of going overboard in seeking to please others. It reveals the underlying approval addition, toxic mindsets that rationalize and perpetuate the problem, and the fear and avoidance of anger, rejection and confrontation that fuel the emotional avoidance pattern."

The goal of the book is to teach people how to "deal constructively with normal - though difficult - emotions and relationships, instead of trying to 'please' your way out of them. As a recovered people-pleaser, you will finally see that a balanced way of living that takes others into consideration but puts the emphasis first on pleasing yourself and gaining your own approval is the clearest path to health and happiness." Dr. Braiker points out, sometimes "it's okay not to be nice!"

Do you identify with being a "people pleaser" and a "goodist?"

If yes, are you beginning to recognize that there are fears that drive you to please others, even at the risk of denying your own wishes and needs?

Are you ready to change?

Mojo Monday ~ Loving Yourself

2012-01-22T15:22:00.000-08:00

Dr. Margaret Paul holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years.

Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages.

Dr. Margaret Paul and Dr. Erika Chopich

After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, and together they created the Inner Bonding® process. They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years.

Margaret shares that the number one problem in relationships is self-abandonment. She explains how common it is for people to enter into a relationship with the belief that this other person is going to love them and will make them feel good, and make them happy. They also often have high hopes that this other person will make them feel worthy and lovable. The result of such expectations is that both people end of feeling very disappointed. What often follows is that each person then wants to make their past, their partner, God and other things responsible for their unhappiness. According to Dr. Paul and Dr. Chopich the key is to learn how not to abandon yourself and how to deeply love yourself. They are very clear that if you do not love yourself you will not be able to love another in a healthy manner.

When you heal the core shame of believing that you are not good enough, and create the vital connections which bring joy to life, you also heal self-abandonment. When you heal self-abandonment, you also heal problems with spouses, partners, friends, kids, family, co-workers, aloneness, emptiness, anxiety, depression and addictions.

Have you tried everything to feel good about yourself but you still experience feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy?

Do you turn to various addictions because you don't know any other way of managing your painful feelings?

Self-abandonment, which comes from core shame, is the underlying cause of all these problems. Self-abandonment is the cause of disconnection from self, loved ones and Spirit. The practice of Inner Bonding develops the deep self-worth that creates inner peace, joy and loving relationships

Dr. Paul has written a series of books, has a series of DVD's and the on-line program called Inner Bonding®. Her books are as follows:

•Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?

•Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook

•Healing Your Aloneness

•The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook

•Inner Bonding

•Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids?

•Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?

Here is an article by Dr Margaret Paul called When You Love Yourself, You Let Others Off the Hook

Do you believe that loving yourself is selfish? Discover why this is not true!

Frequently, when I start to work with a new client, they believe that loving their self is selfish. Nothing could be further from the truth. A more accurate definition of selfish is expecting others to give themselves up and do for you what you can and need to be doing for yourself.

Letting Others Off The Hook

How are others let off the hook when you love yourself? Let us count the ways!

• Others don’t need to read your mind when you are meeting many of your own needs, and asking outright when there is something you need help with.

• Others don’t need to hold back, be careful, or walk on eggshells when you are taking care of your own feelings.

• Others can receive great joy in giving to you when they don’t feel obligated.

• Others can speak their truth when they know that you are open to learning and wanting to grow. They can be honest when they know that you will deal with your own feelings rather than blame them.

• Others are free to take loving care of themselves when they know you are doing the same, and that you support them in their highest good as part of being loving to yourself.

• Others can be spontaneous with you, knowing that if they ‘make a mistake’ you will take responsibility for your own feelings about it.

• Others feel free to be with you because they want to, not because they feel they have to.

• In a primary relationship, your partner will likely feel attracted to you when you are coming from your power rather than from your fear. If your partner feels obligated to have sex with you because you have made him or her responsible for your happiness and sense of worth, your partner is likely to feel resistant to sex with you.

• Laughter, fun and play flow spontaneously when neither person feels responsible for the other’s feelings, or feels obligated to spend time, give approval or have sex.

• Each person feels free to pursue their passion and purpose, knowing that their partner is taking care of themselves and not waiting for the other person to make them happy.

Loving partnerships are about learning, growing, and sharing love and companionship. They are not about taking responsibility for making the other person feel happy, safe, secure or validated. Paradoxically, when you fully take on the responsibility of making yourself feel happy, safe, secure and validated, a loving relationship supports and enhances these wonderful feelings. But when you expect your partner to do this for you, then your self-abandonment creates your misery, insecurity and lack of self-worth. As long as you are abandoning yourself and expecting your partner to do for you what only you can do for yourself, your partner’s love will never be enough to give you the happiness, safety, security and sense of worth that you seek.

Loving Yourself Means….

• Attending, moment-by-moment, to your own feelings, so that you know immediately when you are abandoning yourself with self-judgment, addictions, staying in your head, or making someone else responsible for you.

• Compassionately opening to learning about your own fears and beliefs that may be causing your self-abandonment, and open to learning about what it means to be present and loving to yourself in the face of life’s challenges.

• Exploring your limiting beliefs and resulting behavior that may be causing your painful feelings.

• Opening to your higher self for information about the truth regarding your beliefs, and the loving action toward yourself.

• Taking loving action in your own behalf, based on truth rather than on false, limiting beliefs.

• Evaluating how you feel as a result of taking loving care of yourself.

Mojo Monday ~ Looking Past Limits

2012-01-15T19:20:00.000-08:00

"Can any of you remember what you wanted to be when you were 17? Do you know what I wanted to be? I wanted to be a biker chick. (Laughter) I wanted to race cars, and I wanted to be a cowgirl, and I wanted to be Mowgli from 'The Jungle Book.' Because they were all about being free, the wind in your hair -- just to be free."

So begins a TED talk by Caroline Casey.

Caroline Casey was born in 1971 an shortly after her birth her parents learned she had a condition that rendered her legally blind. The twist to the story is that they never told her. They raised her as if she could see. She didn't learn the truth about her eyesight until she was 17 years old.

The story of her journey is best told by her. Come watch this video and learn about the power of belief and how dogged determination can lead one on amazing personal journeys.

The concept of limitations, and the power they have, depending on whether we believe in them or not is very interesting.

Did you grow up believing in limitations for yourself?

What if you tossed them all aside? Who would you become? What would you do?

Would you become a race car driver? A photojournalist traveling around the world? An international spy? A rock star?

A little more about Caroline Casey ~ She has dedicated the past decade of her life to changing how global society views people with disabilities. In 2000, she rode 1,000 kilometers across India on an elephant to raise funds for Sight Savers. Then, as founding CEO of Kanchi in Dublin, she developed a set of best practices for businesses, to help them see "disabled" workers as an asset as opposed to a liability. Hundreds of companies have adopted the standards, changing their policies and attitudes.
In 2004, Casey started the O2 Ability Awards to recognize Irish businesses for their inclusion of people with disabilities, both as employees and customers. The initiative has received international praise and, in 2010, a parallel program was launched in Spain.

"She is one of those people who, instead of just talking about changing the world, gets up and actually does it however tough the doing of it turns out to be. " ~ The Irish Times

You can learn more about Caroline Casey and her work at her web site Kanchi.org

For anyone who has difficulty watching videos on their computer here is the complete transcript from the video:

Can any of you remember what you wanted to be when you were 17? Do you know what I wanted to be? I wanted to be a biker chick. (Laughter) I wanted to race cars, and I wanted to be a cowgirl, and I wanted to be Mowgli from "The Jungle Book." Because they were all about being free, the wind in your hair -- just to be free. And on my seventeenth birthday, my parents, knowing how much I loved speed, gave me one driving lesson for my seventeenth birthday. Not that we could have afforded I drive, but to give me the dream of driving.

And on my seventeenth birthday, I accompanied my little sister in complete innocence, as I always had all my life -- my visually impaired sister -- to go to see an eye specialist. Because big sisters are always supposed to support their little sisters. And my little sister wanted to be a pilot -- God help her. So I used to get my eyes tested just for fun. And on my seventeenth birthday, after my fake eye exam, the eye specialist just noticed it happened to be my birthday. And he said, "So what are you going to do to celebrate?" And I took that driving lesson, and I said, "I'm going to learn how to drive." And then there was a silence -- one of those awful silences when you know something's wrong. And he turned to my mother, and he said, "You haven't told her yet?" On my seventeenth birthday, as Janis Ian would best say, I learned the truth at 17. I am, and have been since birth, legally blind.

And you know, how on earth did I get to 17 and not know that? Well, if anybody says country music isn't powerful, let me tell you this: I got there because my father's passion for Johnny Cash and a song, "A Boy Named Sue." I'm the eldest of three. I was born in 1971. And very shortly after my birth, my parents found out I had a condition called ocular albinism. And what the hell does that mean to you? So let me just tell you, the great part of all of this? I can't see this clock and I can't see the timing, so holy God, woohoo! (Laughter) I might buy some more time. But more importantly, let me tell you -- I'm going to come up really close here. Don't freak out, Pat. Hey. See this hand? Beyond this hand is a world of Vaseline. Every man in this room, even you, Steve, is George Clooney. (Laughter) And every woman, you are so beautiful. And when I want to look beautiful, I step three feet away from the mirror, and I don't have to see these lines etched in my face from all the squinting I've done all my life from all the dark lights.

The really strange part is that, at three and a half, just before I was going to school, my parents made a bizarre, unusual and incredibly brave decision. No special needs schools. No labels. No limitations. My ability and my potential. And they decided to tell me that I could see. So just like Johnny Cash's Sue, a boy given a girl's name, I would grow up and learn from experience how to be tough and how to survive, when they were no longer there to protect me, or just take it all away. But more significantly, they gave me the ability to believe, totally, to believe that I could. And so when I heard that eye specialist tell me all the things, a big fat "no," everybody imagines I was devastated. And don't get me wrong, because when I first heard it -- aside from the fact that I thought he was insane -- I got that thump in my chest, just that "huh?" But very quickly I recovered. It was like that. The first thing I thought about was my mom, who was crying over beside me. And I swear to God, I walked out of his office, "I will drive. I will drive. You're mad. I'll drive. I know I can drive."

And with the same dogged determination that my father had bred into me since I was such a child -- he taught me how to sail, knowing I could never see where I was going, I could never see the shore, and I couldn't see the sails, and I couldn't see the destination. But he told me to believe and feel the wind in my face. And that wind in my face made me believe that he was mad and I would drive. And for the next 11 years, I swore nobody would ever find out that I couldn't see, because I didn't want to be a failure, and I didn't want to be weak. And I believed I could do it. So I rammed through life as only a Casey can do. And I was an archeologist, and then I broke things. And then I managed a restaurant, and then I slipped on things. And then I was a masseuse. And then I was a landscape gardener. And then I went to business school. And you know, disabled people are hugely educated. And then I went in and I got a global consulting job with Accenture. And they didn't even know. And it's extraordinary how far belief can take you.

In 1999, two and a half years into that job, something happened. Wonderfully, my eyes decided, enough. And temporarily, very unexpectedly, they dropped. And I'm in one of the most competitive environments in the world, where you work hard, play hard, you gotta be the best, you gotta be the best. And two years in, I really could see very little. And I found myself in front of an HR manager in 1999, saying something I never imagined that I would say. I was 28 years old. I had built a persona all around what I could and couldn't do. And I simply said, "I'm sorry. I can't see, and I need help." Asking for help can be incredibly difficult. And you all know what it is. You don't need to have a disability to know that. We all know how hard it is to admit weakness and failure. And it's frightening, isn't it? But all that belief had fueled me so long.

And can I tell you, operating in the sighted world when you can't see, it's kind of difficult -- it really is. Can I tell you, airports are a disaster. Oh, for the love of God. And please, any designers out there? OK, designers, please put up your hands, even though I can't even see you. I always end up in the gents' toilets. And there's nothing wrong with my sense of smell. But can I just tell you, the little sign for a gents' toilet or a ladies' toilet is determined by a triangle. Have you ever tried to see that if you have Vaseline in front of your eyes? It's such a small thing, right? And you know how exhausting it can be to try to be perfect when you're not, or to be somebody that you aren't?

And so after admitting I couldn't see to HR, they sent me off to an eye specialist. And I had no idea that this man was going to change my life. But before I got to him, I was so lost. I had no idea who I was anymore. And that eye specialist, he didn't bother testing my eyes. God no, it was therapy. And he asked me several questions, of which many were, "Why? Why are you fighting so hard not to be yourself? And do you love what you do, Caroline?" And you know, when you go to a global consulting firm, they put a chip in your head, and you're like, "I love Accenture. I love Accenture. I love my job. I love Accenture. I love Accenture. I love Accenture. I love my job. I love Accenture." (Laughter) To leave would be failure. And he said, "Do you love it?" I couldn't even speak I was so choked up. I just was so -- how do I tell him? And then he said to me, "What did you want to be when you were little?" Now listen, I wasn't going to say to him, "Well, I wanted to race cars and motorbikes." Hardly appropriate at this moment in time. He thought I was mad enough anyway. And as I left his office, he called me back and he said, "I think it's time. I think it's time to stop fighting and do something different." And that door closed. And that silence just outside a doctor's office, that many of us know. And my chest ached. And I had no idea where I was going. I had no idea. But I did know the game was up.

And I went home, and, because the pain in my chest ached so much, I thought, "I'll go out for a run." Really not a very sensible thing to do. And I went on a run that I know so well. I know this run so well, by the back of my hand. I always run it perfectly fine. I count the steps and the lampposts and all those things that visually impaired people have a tendency to have a lot of meetings with. And there was a rock that I always missed. And I'd never fallen on it, never. And there I was crying away, and smash, bash on my rock. Broken, fallen over on this rock in the middle of March in 2000, typical Irish weather on a Wednesday -- gray, snot, tears everywhere, ridiculously self-pitying.

And I was floored, and I was broken, and I was angry. And I didn't know what to do. And I sat there for quite some time going, "How am I going to get off this rock and go home? Because who am I going to be? What am I going to be?" And I thought about my dad, and I thought, "Good God, I'm so not Sue now." And I kept thinking over and over in my mind, what had happened? Where did it go wrong? Why didn't I understand? And you know, the extraordinary part of it is I just simply had no answers. I had lost my belief. Look where my belief had brought me to. And now I had lost it. And now I really couldn't see. I was crumpled. And then I remember thinking about that eye specialist asking me, "What do you want to be? What do you want to be? What did you want to be when you were little? Do you love what you do? Do something different. What do you want to be? Do something different. What do you want to be?" And really slowly, slowly, slowly, it happened. And it did happen this way. And then the minute it came, it blew up in my head and bashed in my heart -- something different. "Well, how about Mowgli from 'The Jungle Book'? You don't get more different than that." And the moment, and I mean the moment, the moment that hit me, I swear to God, it was like woo hoo! You know -- something to believe in. And nobody can tell me no. Yes, you can say I can't be an archeologist. But you can't tell me, no, I can't be Mowgli, because guess what? Nobody's ever done it before, so I'm going to go do it. And it doesn't matter whether I'm a boy or a girl, I'm just going to scoot.

And so I got off that rock, and, oh my God, did I run home. And I sprinted home, and I didn't fall, and I didn't crash. And I ran up the stairs, and there was one of my favorite books of all time, "Travels on My Elephant" by Mark Shand -- I don't know if any of you know it. And I grabbed this book off, and I'm sitting on the couch going, "I know what I'm going to do. I know how to be Mowgli. I'm going to go across India on the back of an elephant. I'm going to be an elephant handler." And I had no idea how I was going to be an elephant handler. From global management consultant to elephant handler. I had no idea how. I had no idea how you hire an elephant, get an elephant. I didn't speak Hindi. I'd never been to India. Hadn't a clue. But I knew I would. Because, when you make a decision at the right time and the right place, God, that universe makes it happen for you.

Nine months later, after that day on snot rock, I had the only blind date in my life with a seven and a half foot elephant called Kanchi. And together we would trek a thousand kilometers across India. (Applause) The most powerful thing of all, it's not that I didn't achieve before then. Oh my God, I did. But you know, I was believing in the wrong thing. Because I wasn't believing in me, really me, all the bits of me -- all the bits of all of us. Do you know how much of us all pretend to be somebody we're not? And you know what, when you really believe in yourself and everything about you, it's extraordinary what happens.

And you know what, that trip, that thousand kilometers, it raised enough money for 6,000 cataract eye operations. Six thousand people got to see because of that. When I came home off that elephant, do you know what the most amazing part was? I chucked in my job at Accenture. I left, and I became a social entrepreneur, and I set up an organization with Mark Shand called Elephant Family, which deals with Asian elephant conservation. And I set up Kanchi, because my organization was always going to be named after my elephant, because disability is like the elephant in the room. And I wanted to make you see it in a positive way -- no charity, no pity. But I wanted to work only and truly with business and media leadership to totally reframe disability in a way that was exciting and possible. It was extraordinary. That's what I wanted to do. And I never thought about noes anymore, or not seeing, or any of that kind of nothing. It just seemed that it was possible.

And you know, the oddest part is, when I was on my way traveling here to TED, I'll be honest, I was petrified. And I speak, but this is an amazing audience, and what am I doing here? But as I was traveling here, you'll be very happy to know, I did use my white symbol stick cane, because it's really good to skip queues in the airport. And I got my way here being happily proud that I couldn't see. And the one thing is that a really good friend of mine, he texted me on the way over, knowing I was scared. Even though I present confident, I was scared. He said, "Be you." And so here I am. This is me, all of me.

(Applause)

And I have learned, you know what, cars and motorbikes and elephants, that's not freedom. Being absolutely true to yourself is freedom. And I never needed eyes to see -- never. I simply needed vision and belief. And if you truly believe -- and I mean believe from the bottom of your heart -- you can make change happen. And we need to make it happen, because every single one of us -- woman, man, gay, straight, disabled, perfect, normal, whatever -- everyone of us must be the very best of ourselves. I no longer want anybody to be invisible. We all have to be included. And stop with the labels, the limiting. Losing of labels, because we are not jam jars. We are extraordinary, different, wonderful people.

Thank you.

Life Vest Inside

2012-01-10T10:52:00.000-08:00

A couple of weeks ago I saw this incredible video called the Kindness Boomerang. I was intrigued by who created it and the story behind it all. My search led me to the founder, Orly Wahba, who created the non-profit Life Vest Inside. We corresponded and our sharing led to me writing about her and this inspirational organization in the Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine. Come watch the video and read the article and prepare to be inspired!

(Note the video is also featured at the end of the article)

Mojo Monday ~ Living Is the Original Art

2012-01-08T17:48:00.000-08:00

Do you ever feel weighed down by the pressure you put onyourself to achieve, to live your purpose, to be successful, to be Legendary, tochange the world for the better, to help stop global warming and to do yourpart towards creating world peace? Thereare times when I get tired just thinking about it all, let alone trying to doit all.

I have held a life time dream of being a writer. I was one of those students that actuallyenjoyed writing research papers. I couldget lost in the racks at the library for hours and hours. In high school and college I hadopportunities to share my writing. OnceI left college though all of my writing took place in private journals. My dreams of pursuing a career in writingwere set aside and I the reality is that I let fear hold my dreams at bay fortoo many years.

I am now in a place where after gathering up my courage topursue my writing dreams I have a blog, I write a column for the CosmicCowgirls Magazine and I write Mojo posts for the Cosmic Cowgirl member site. My brave steps also led me to dust off amanuscript I began over a decade ago. Inow know that my life experiences in the past decade will make it possible forme to write an even better book. I havehad a couple of strategizing sessions with a successful writer and I joined asmall writing group for six months that is also being facilitated by the samewriter. I am attempting to stick to awriting schedule three nights a week.

It isn’t always easy though. Last October was a busy month, and I often let my schedule slip throughthe cracks and fall to the bottom of my priorities. Then in December as the holidays came upon usmy writing again dwindled. In thebeginning of January my husband and I decided to tackle a home improvementproject. More of my time went toremoving wallpaper and painting than to my writing. Honestly I was thrilled to be working on thisproject. I love decorating andfreshening up our living space is making me one happy camper.

What I have struggled with is reaching moments where I am notenjoying my life because I am feeling so pressured to get things done. In the back of my mind the guilt is buildingbecause I haven’t done enough work on my book. Yet there is also the reality that I am a mom to two young children andI work full time. It is important to methat I connect with my children, connect with my husband, stay in touch withfriends and family, work and keep up the house. It is also important to me that Iwrite. I want to fulfill my dream ofcompleting this book. However, if Idon’t get to the writing because I am tired from all the other demands it weighson me, sometimes in an unhealthy way because I my inaction transforms intoguilt and anxiety. Occasionally I even wonderwhat it would be like if I just lived my life and didn’t put all this pressureon myself.

Then I recently read a passage by Mark Nepo in The Book of Awakening: Having the Life YouWant by Being Present to the Life You Have that touched upon this veryconflict so perfectly.

It is called An Invitationand begins this way:

“Yours is to live it, notto reveal it.” – Helen Luke

“Helen Luke was a very wise woman, deeply grounded in the lifeof the spirit. I knew Helen during thelast two years of her life. During thattime she was a mentor to me. These wordsare from our last conversation. Theytroubled me, for I have spent my life becoming a writer, thinking that my jobhas been just that – to reveal what is essential and hidden.

In the time since Helen died, I’ve come to understand her lastinstruction as an invitation to shed any grand purpose, no matter how devoted wemay be to what we are doing. She wasn’ttelling me to stop writing, but to stop striving to be important. She was inviting me to stop recording thepoetry of life and to enter the poetry of life.

This lesson applies to us all. If we devote ourselves to the life at hand, the rest will follow. For life, it seems, reveals itself throughthose willing to live. Anything else, nomatter how beautiful, is just advertising.

This took me many years to learn and accept. Having begun innocently enough, there aroseseparations, and now I know that health resides in restoring directexperience. Thus, having struggled to dowhat has never been done, I discovered that living is the original art.”

Center yourself and think of your life as a story not yet written.
Breathe slowly, and relieve yourself of the responsibility to record your own story.
Breathe deeply, and imagine your path as the patch of sky a bird flies through.
Now just breathe and fly. Enter your day, and breathe and live.

Did this essay speakto you? What did you get out of it?

I took from it a message to relax and live life first and allowmy very life to be my original work of art. I don’t want to just give up on my dream. I am staying steadfast in the desire to finishmy book, as that is a project dear to my heart. Yet I know that the writingprocess will be better if I relax and enjoy the process, instead of piling onthe pressure and guilt when I don’t live up to the expectations I set formyself.

Is there anythingyou would do differently if you took the approach that living is the originalwork of art?

Mojo Monday ~ Be the Change

2012-01-01T20:09:00.000-08:00

Greetings to 2012. Hard to believe a new year has arrived yet again. Each new year brings with it change, for change is inevitable. What changes will you be a part of in the new year?

A thought provoking and inspiring video by Kat Edmondson called Be the Change ~

Everywhere you look, you can write a book on what's going on
Everyone you know has got to reap what they sow, be it right or wrong
Ghettos flood, there's a hole up in the sky
Oil and blood, tell me why oh why
Terror struck
Look at us
This isn't what we planned
You gotta take a stand

Don't forget that pride always goes before the fall
And nobody is free till there's freedom for all
As you sow so shall you reap
Be the change you want to see
Be the change you want to see

Every now and then, you've gotta bend to the way it is
Far it be that as it may, it's not the way just 'cause they say it is
On TV, there's just no reality
All I hear is "Me me me"
What they sold, I'm not buying any more
No, no, no more

Don't forget that pride always goes before the fall
And nobody is free till there's freedom for all
As you sow so shall you reap
Be the change you want to see
Be the change you want to see

Yesterday heard you say that there's nothing you can do
Wonder if you would feel the same if it was happening to you

Don't forget that pride always goes before the fall
And nobody is free till there's freedom for all
As you sow so shall you reap
Be the change you want to see
Be the change you want to see
Right now
Be the change you want to
See the changes start with you
Be the change you want to see

Be the change you want to see
The change you want to see

Mojo Monday ~ Relationships

2011-12-25T23:03:00.000-08:00

This Christmas evening I sit with two books in front of me. Both have some elements I felt called upon to share. Both have to do with relationships.

The first is a book I received as a gift from a friend in the mail only a few days ago. It is called The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have. Mark Nepo is the author and the book is designed so that the entries are dated and start with January 1st and ends with December 31st. When I first received the book I read the current date and then went back to my birthday to see what message I would find there too.

Synchronicity stepped in on the night of December 23rd. I was taking a bath in an attempt to ease the horrible cramps and back pain I was experiencing. Pain and not feeling one's best can sometimes trigger other emotions and thoughts that are not the most positive or helpful. In that frame of mind I was having some trust issues be re-stimulated. On my way to the bath I had grabbed my new book. Once in the hot water I flipped to the entry on December 23^rd.

Here is what I read:

A Surety of Roots

You didn’t come into this house

So I might tear off a piece of your life.

Perhaps when you leave,

You’ll take something of mine:

Chestnuts, roses, or a surety of roots.

- Pablo Neruda

“Perhaps the most stubborn thing that keeps us from knowing love is distrust. Certainly, we have more than enough reason in our world to be cautious, alert, and guarded against being hurt or taken advantage of. But the fact remains that in spite of all the new and terrible stories that we pass on at parties, there is no other doorway into kindness and all its gifts but through the gentle risk to open ourselves, however slightly, and try. The question we must ask, that I ask myself every day, is which is more debilitating: to be cut off from love or to be scarred by the pain of being hurt?

What made Neruda, such a great poet is the largeness of his heart, and through his large kindness, he suggests that giving heals and that until we step into that space between each other and try, nothing can happen. But once we do, giving and receiving become the same, and we all grow stronger for going there together.”

Center yourself, and bring to mind three small gifts you are will to give away. They may be tangible or symbolic or gestures of kindness.
Wrap each gently in your breathing.
Bring these gifts with you into your day.
Before you come home, give them away.

I was a bit stunned that my thoughts about not trusting had been greeted by this very strong message that distrust keeps us from knowing love. My heart and my head rolled this passage over and over again. I knew there was great truth in this message and I thanked the Universe and Great Spirit for sending it to me.

The second book that had also leapt out at me at the last minute is one called Naikan: Gratitude, Grace, and the Japanese Art of Self-Reflection by Gregg Krech. This is how the book begins in the Preface:

“In 1991 a movie was released called Defending Your Life and starring Albert Brooks and Meryl Streep. The story line centered around several characters who died and were transported to a temporary location where a decision was made about their future. The purpose of this place—which was a rather comfortable, almost resort-like city—was to give people who passed through a chance to watch film highlights of their lives. They had a chance to defend their conduct and the choices they made while alive, and subsequently a final decision was made about their future. They might be sent back to earth to ‘try again’ or, if their lives were generally laudable, they would ‘move on’ to some higher form of existence.

What I found most interesting about the film was the idea of stepping back and observing your life. In 1989 I had the opportunity to do just that for the first time, at a center located amidst the rice paddies in rural Japan. It was a Naikan center. The work Naikan means literally looking inside. In the fourteen days I stayed at the center I spent about fifteen hours per day watching the films of my life run across the screen of my mind’s eye. Prior to this experience I had been to dozen of retreats and spiritual conference. I had spent at least one week each year on a solo trip in the wilderness to simply be quiet in nature. I had meditated in forests and at Zen monasteries for days and weeks at a time. Yet I had never really stepped back from my life to simply see how I had been living.

The process used at the Naikan center was very structures. I reflected on the relationships with nearly all the key people that had played an influential role in my life. In each case I looked at three aspects of that relationship: What had I received from that person. What had I given to that person. The troubles or difficulties I had caused that person. I sat on Japanese-style cushions and faced a blank wall in order to limit outside distractions. Except for the time it took to eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom, I did little else for two weeks. In some ways I resembled the characters in the movie I have referred to, except that I had the opportunity to do this –fortunately—while I was still alive.

During my time at the Naikan center I had doubts. Why spend time reviewing my past, when there was so much to do now? Why spend time considering the troubles I was causing others when I was already striving so hard to be a good person…Notwithstanding my persistent questions and doubts, I persevered each day with the review of my personal history, as far back as I could remember. As the days passed, I began to understand what was attractive and uncomfortable about Naikan. Naikan involved self-examination; that is, we examine our own life, not the actions of others. How often is our attention wasted on judging, criticizing, and correcting others while we neglect that examination and lessons of our own life? While we can never know the actual experience of another, we know our own experience intimately. While we can do little or nothing to control how others treat us, we can do much to control how we treat others. And while we are often powerless to impose our choices on others, we make choices about how we shall live, moment to moment, day to day. Examining one’s own life is profoundly sensible, though not necessarily comfortable.”

In a section called Intimate Attention author Gregg Krech has this to share:

“Relationship as a Vehicle for Training

Henry David Thoreau knew how to live alone. Really alone. A few of us may set up solitary housekeeping in a parcel of unexplored wilderness, but the vast majority will choose, and be chosen by, intimate partners. Such choices may be temporary, or…well, actually, temporary is your only option. These relationships are the graduate school of self-development. They provide us with the sharpest tools, the heaviest weights, and the thickest texts. They push us to our edge, stretch us beyond our limits. They may wing us on a pendulum from ecstasy and joy to the farthest reaches of pain and grief.”

Please Remind Me

By Gregg Krech

Please remind me of why I am here

when I am somewhere else.

When anger stirs

over unwashed dishes,

unkept promises,

and unpaid bills,

Please soften my heart

and remind me

of why I am here.

When frustration is triggered

by the same argument

for the hundredth time,

please tame my words,

deepen my breath,

and remind me of why I am here.

When my attention is drawn

like a magnet

to myself—

my needs,

my wants,

my comfort,

my pain—

please blink my mind

and allow my eyes to see

into the heart of another,

that I may attend to their needs

and bear their pain

and be dissolved

into the reason I am here.

I know that reason

Yet, so often,

I find myself somewhere else

and forget.

So please remind me.

Lastly I want to return to The Book of Awakening and share the passage from September 20^th called Unconditional Love.

“Unconditional love is not so much about how we received and endure each other, as it is about the deep vow to never, under any condition, stop bringing the flawed truth of who we are to each other.

Much is said about the unconditional love today, and I fear that it has been misconstrued as an extreme form of ‘turning the other cheek,’ which to anyone who has been abused is not good advice. However, this exaggerated passivity is quite different from the unimpeded flow of love that carries who we are.

In truth, unconditional love does not require a passive acceptance of whatever happens in the name of love. Rather, in the real spaces of our daily relationship, it means maintaining a commitment that no condition will keep us from bringing all of who we are to each other honestly.

For example, on any given day, I might be preoccupied with my own needs, and might overlook or bruise what you need and hurt you. But then you tell me and show me your hurt, and I feel bad, and you accept that sometimes I go blind to those around me. But we look deeply on each other, and you accept my flaws, but not my behavior, and I am grateful for the chance to work on myself. Somehow, it all brings us closer.

Unconditional love is not the hole in us that received the dirt, but the sun within that never stops shining.

Center your self and consider a relationship in which you have recently endured some pain in the name of love.
As you inhale deeply, consider the conditions that keep your pain unexpressed.
As you exhale deeply, consider ‘being unconditional’ as a bringing forth from within, rather that the enduring of what comes from without.
Enter your day and consider ‘bringing forth who you are’ in the name of love.

Unknown Author

2011-12-21T04:30:00.000-08:00

A beautiful song and video to inspire you mid-week.

You are bountiful, blissful and beautiful. You are.

Music - Bountiful, Blissful, Beautiful by Bachan Kaur

Enjoy!

Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine ~ Doc Martens and Motherhood

2011-12-19T16:58:00.000-08:00

Come visit my We Are All Meant to Shine!column in Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine

and be inspired by the writing of

Corby Caffrey-Dobosh and her article called

Doc Martens and Motherhood: A Short Tale of Self-Discovery.

Mojo Monday ~ Lissa Rankin on The Shocking Truth About Your Health

2011-12-18T14:00:00.000-08:00

"Promoting health without encouraging others to seek wholeness is an exercise in futility. Not until we realize that our bodies are mirrors of our interpersonal, spiritual, professional, sexual, creative, financial, environmental, mental, and emotional health will we truly heal."

- Lissa Rankin

I received an email from writer and artist Sark in which she excitedly shared the following:

So often what comes out of scientific studies can be confusing, conflicting, or downright scary. Well, today I heard something FABULOUS - straight from science!

My dear friend, Dr. Lissa Rankin of OwningPink.com - a brilliant, creative and succulent Medical Doctor - has found scientific evidence to prove that creative health is every bit as important to your body as good nutrition, daily exercise, and regular check-ups.

It supports what I've taught for YEARS - expressing yourSELF creatively isn't just some fun luxury pastime. It's vital to living a healthy and joyful life!

Sark then went on to encourage other to watch Lissa Rankin present at a TED talk. I had heard of Lissa Rankin and I think I had even visited her web site, but watching her talk on health was really powerful. I also happened to love that she encourages people to live "authentic lives full of mojo." Gotta love that mojo!

Here is an introduction to Lissa Rankin as seen on the TED Talk web site ~ "Lissa Rankin, MD is an OB/GYN physician, author, keynote speaker, consultant to health care visionaries, professional artist, and founder of the women's health and wellness community OwningPink.com. Discouraged by the broken, patriarchal health care system, she left her medical practice in 2007 only to realize that you can quit your job, but you can't quit your calling. This epiphany launched her on a journey of discovery that led her to become a leader in the field of mind/body medicine, which she blogs about at OwningPink.com and is writing about in her third book Mind Over Medicine: Scientific Proof You Can Heal Yourself (Hay House, 2013).

She teaches both patients and health care professionals how to make the body ripe for miracles by healing the mind and being healthy in all aspects of life, not just by promoting healthy behaviors like good nutrition, exercise, and adequate sleep, but by encouraging health and authenticity in relationships, work, creative expression, spirituality, sexuality, finances, and living environment. She is leading a revolution to feminize how health care is received and delivered by encouraging collaboration, fostering self-healing, reconnecting health care and spirituality, empowering patients to tap into the mind's power to heal the body, and encouraging women not to settle for being merely well, but to strive for living vital, joyful, authentic lives full of "mojo."

When not spreading the word, she chills out, paints, does yoga, and hikes in Marin County, CA with her husband and daughter."

Learn more about Lissa Rankin on her web site called Owning Pink and without a doubt watch her Ted talk below regarding The Shocking Truth About Your Health.

"I believe that true healing lies in changing your beliefs and tapping into your inner healer. I also believes that you can’t hand your power over to a doctor, therapist, coach, or other practitioner in order to live a truly vital life. As a patient, you are an equal partner in the seat of honor at the healing round table, where your voice must be heard." -Lissa Rankin, MD

Once you watch the video share your thoughts.

Mojo Monday ~ This is the Year of...

2011-12-11T21:28:00.001-08:00

In Octoberof 2008 I attended my first Cosmic Cowgirl event. It was the Bountiful Conference and really Ihad no idea what attending that one conference would lead to and how it wouldalter my future. Now it wasn’t likeeverything fell into perfect place and I immediately began to follow my truepurpose. There were some bumps along theway, in fact on my 40^th birthday in April of 2009 some news made mefeel that my world was crashing down around me and there were some very toughdays from that point forward. Yet, eventhrough that year, which was one of my own dark nights of the soul, CosmicCowgirls was one of the things that sustained me. It was a combination of both the amazingwomen I had met, but also just knowing that something like Cosmic Cowgirlscould even exist. I was sustained byknowing that there were women from around the country and even overseas, whowere connecting and creating a circling tribe full of artistic, creative,passionate, loving, inspiring, kick-up-their-boots hootin’ and hollerin’kick-ass wild women.

I havelearned so much from the classes I have taken with Cosmic Cowgirls. One of the biggies is about the power ofintention. In 2010 as things in my lifewere healing and as I delved back into participating more with Cosmic CowgirlsI attended the member conference and then I took the class called A Year ofGreat Promise. Meeting in person withsome sister Cosmic Cowgirls was good for the soul and during our time togetherwe contemplated what we wanted to declare for that year. What I ended up declaring for myself was that2010 was the Year of PassionatelyEmbracing My Soul’s Creative Calling. We also shared something we were going to release and my personaldeclaration was “I release perfection and embrace myself with Grace andLove.” We created collages and specialcontainers to hold our dreams and goals for ourselves for the year. The course called A Year of Great Promisewas really powerful and by the time the course ended I had about a 15 pagedocument that detailed my vision for myself and the life I want to lead.

The art collage I created in 2010.

Somehow inthe beginning of 2011 I did not make a statement for the year and now I seethat I was pressing forward with continuing as I did in 2010 to embrace mycreative calling. I joined the Cosmic Cowgirls 6 month long Leading ALegendary Life course in 2011, which was a big dream for me. Again the work completed led me to feel moreconfident in my artistic abilities and to gain more clarity on the personallegend I am creating.

A week agowhen I pulled out the letter I had written to myself back in 2010 I knewimmediately what my 2012 declaration would be and without hesitation I said tomyself 2012 is the year of completionand new beginnings. I love theclarity that I have this year, but don't be disheartened if that is not the case for you. It can actually be fun and interesting tostill be in the place of figuring it out and exploring what you are wishing forto happen next.

As I writethis Mojo Monday post I am realizing that I have not yet considered if there issomething I wish to release and embrace this year. The first thing that comes to mind is thefretting I have done over friendship these past few years. I experienced some shifts in friendships thatput me through a great deal of distress for a few years. I think it has taken this much time to get tothis place and makes it possible for me to say that I release those former connections with great love and I embraceknowing deep in my soul that though I am imperfect and may make mistakes I am aloving and good hearted friend who cares and loves deeply and never intentionallyhurts others.

My letter I wrote to myself in 2010.

Before I bid2011 goodbye I will write myself a letter and I will create a new piece of artthat will represent my intentions for the new year.

Consider what your heart and soulwishes for you in the new year.

Join me in making your own declarationand then make the time to go through your own creative process of expressingthat declaration.

Maybe you want to create a collage orpaint the vision you hold for yourself.

Another possibility is to write a poem or take some photographs thatcapture your intentions.

Also is there something you wish torelease and in turn embrace?

I hope you’ll share your new yeardeclaration and your plans for releasing and embracing.

If you need time to think it through, exploreit this week and come back and share what arises for you.

One other great lesson I have learnedis that there is great power in speaking aloud one’s intentions. One can gain strength from sharing suchthings within a community or a circle.

Ioffer that this is a great place to be witnessed and heard.

With Love and In Support of Your Intentions,

Michelle (aka Red and Ida Shine!)

Some other things to explore as you ponder your dreams and goals:

Oprah’s January issue that is just about to hit the stands has a great article by Martha Beck called You Can See Clearly Now. She takes readers through a clarifying process of really determining what one wants. She breaks it down into the four P’s: Pushback, Possibilities, Preferences and Pinpointing. In the simplest terms Pushback involves figuring out what you don’t want. Martha describes it as the “bitch and moan” portion that allows you to figure out that you no longer what to do such and such or no longer want to be with so and so. The next step of Possibilities involves beginning to use your imagination to see past what is no longer working for you. She describes Preferences as being the place where you start to notice which possibilities leave you feeling intrigued, curious, and a bit lighter. When you get to the Pinpoint part this is when you are finally reaching clarity on exactly what you want. You are envisioning it and can then set your intentions on achieving it.

There is a great book called Strengths Finder 2.0 by Tom Rath. I was given this book a several years ago by the fost-adoption agency I have worked for for nearly 8 years now. When you buy the book new there is a sealed envelope in the back that when opened provides you with a key to enter into an on-line personality test. I was really blown away by the accuracy of the results. The exam identifies your strengths and can be a tool for some people to use in seeking their path in life.

Lastly for fun you can always check your numerology and see what personal year you happen to be leaving and which one you are about to gain entry to in 2012. Supposedly we go through 9 year life cycles. 2011 was a 9 year for me which means I am at the end of a cycle. Entering into a 1 year in 2012 means I am embarking on a new cycle. A common description of a 9 year is that this is your year to finish up all unfinished business, to clean house and make room for new things. In short the 1 year is described as follows: You are starting a new nine year Epicycle. Everything you do now will affect your future. Do not hold back the inner force of creation. Be direct, daring, bold. You will have more confidence and determination this year, particularly in comparison with last year, which was a time of letting go. This year represents a time of birth. It's a time to take charge and to apply yourself to your dream.

Two sites that offer free numerology readings can be found here:

http://cafeastrology.com/numerology2/

http://www.tarot.com/numerology/getreport.php?feature=h-ln-numerology-prodlist&state=ENTRY&chartId=9&

Mojo Monday ~ The Good Places of Friendship

2011-12-04T20:43:00.001-08:00

A friend of mine gave me a copy of this very powerful article about friendship by Belinda Recio. It appeared in the November-December issue of a publication called Spirituality Health.

I love the deepness of the following passage:

"In such friendships, the friends understand and accept the imperfections of the relationship, themselves, and each other. They accept the risk of betrayal because they understand that the seed of forgiveness is contained within the betrayal."

Here is a copy of the entire article.

(Note if the text appears too small you should be able to click on the image to see a larger version)

Recently I had a friend contact me to talk through a situation she was experiencing with another friend. This friend has done the same for me in the past when I was working through and processing some difficult terrain in a couple of friendships.

I am not a friendship guru and I have made my own mistakes for certain, especially when I was going through some tough times and in a depressed state of mind.

I didn't want to give "advice" so all I shared was something along the lines of this:

1) we can own our part of things

2) we can sincerely apologize if we know we have hurt or offended a friend

3) we can make efforts to express our desire to continue to be friends

4) we can do things that make us feel good about our friend and the friendship - such as sending cards, emails, little gifts.

There are also things that we have to realize we can't control though.

1) we cannot control how they take things (we all have our own perspective that will color how we respond to situations)

2) we cannot control if they accept our apology

3) we cannot control if they will accept us back into their heart

4) we cannot control if they treat us differently

5) we cannot control if they do not wish to remain friends

My friend wondered - what if this friend won't take her apology to heart? I said that is the hardest part about relationships, not having any control over how someone takes something or if they don't want to remain in a relationship with us. I shared that if her friend had been in another mind set and was perhaps in a better place in her life that the comment made would not have fazed her one bit. I added that her reaction is more about her friend than what she said. I also knew that what she said was done with concern and love, not with an intent to hurt or criticize. There is a big difference between the two I believe.

What do we do if a wall is built and a heart is closed to us? We can either hang in there hoping things will change. What if it doesn't? Is there ever a time to walk away? I don't know the answer to that. Sometimes the answer may be yes. I recently saw this quote "Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together." ~Author Unknown. Perhaps as it proposes there are times when it best for one's own happiness and mental health to walk away and just let it be.

What are your thoughts regarding traversing difficult times in a friendship?

Do you have any words of wisdom to share?

Mojo Monday ~ Women Making History

2011-11-27T11:44:00.000-08:00

Amazing "Women Making History in Portland" mural

In August of this year I learned for the first time of the amazing Gerda Lerner who founded Women’s Studies in the USA. It led me to devote a Mojo Monday post on September 1st to her and her accomplishments. One of her quotes that stays with me is the following: “Now, in one of the best graduate schools in the country I was presented with a history of the past in which women did not seem to exist, except for a few rulers or some who created disturbances. What I was learning in graduate school did not so much leave out continents and their people, as had my Viennese education, as it left out half the human race, women.”

Sadly what still appears to happen in school in this country is that the history that is taught to our children still remains more focused on the accomplishments of men. History was one of my favorite subjects in school and I so loved it that I even went on to get one of my university degrees in history. One of the papers I wrote and still remember well was about Native American women warriors. Yet I can tell you as a History major that there never was much of a focus on the contributions of women.

Recently though I spotted a book called Girls Think of Everything: Stories of Ingenious Inventions by Women by Catherine Thimmesh. Spotting that one book led me to a wonderful discovery – that there are more incredible books out there that focus on the history of women and many have been written for children. As a mom to two little girls I was doubly excited about adding these books to our family library. One of my goals is to raise confident daughters with healthy and positive self images. Sharing with them the stories of the many trailblazing women in history not only allows us to honor all the women who came before, but also gives them models and opens up to them all the possibilities that lie before them.

Here is a list of books that I am incredibly excited about reading and if you know of any books not mentioned that cover the history and contributions of women please leave a comment.

Her Story: A Timeline of the Women Who Changed America

by Charlotte S. Waisman and Jill S. Tietjen

Her Story is a vivid documentation of the breadth and diversity of American women's achievements throughout U.S. history. This one-of-a-kind illustrated timeline highlights the awesome, varied, and often unrecognized contributions of American women since the 1500s.

There have been women trailblazers throughout American history; women have had a profound impact on the intellectual, social, and political development of our society. But many of their contributions have gone unnoticed. Most people have heard of Susan B. Anthony, Harriet Tubman, Margaret Sanger, and Eleanor Roosevelt. But did you know that a woman microbiologist discovered the bacterium responsible for undulant fever, which then led to the pasteurization of all milk? Or that a woman patented the paper-bag folding machine to make square-bottom bags (the grocery bag)? Or that a female mathematician's work laid the foundation for abstract algebra?

The women featured in Her Story range from writers, artists, actors, and athletes to doctors, scientists, social and political activists, educators, and inventors, and include women of all backgrounds and philosophies. The authors of Her Story, Charlotte S. Waisman and Jill S. Tietjen, have compiled an extraordinary collection of women and events that provides a unique view of history. Part of Her Story's distinctiveness is the inclusion of hundreds of lesser-known women from all walks of life who have broken barriers and created paths of noteworthy and inspiring achievement.

In her Foreword to the book, Madeleine Albright comments, "Spanning the centuries from 1587 . . . this book will allow women and men to become more aware of and informed about the women who have been instrumental in giving us the quality of life we enjoy today. Often stepping outside of the expected modes of behavior for women during their lives, the profiled women were the pioneers for their causes, their professions, or their passions. Their accomplishments have advanced the arts, the sciences, politics, and business."

Girls Think of Everything: Stories of Ingenious Inventions by Women
by Catherine Thimmesh
In kitchens and living rooms, in garages and labs and basements, even in converted chicken coops, women and girls have come up with ingenious innovations that have made our lives simpler and better. Their creations are some of the most enduring (the windshield wiper) and best loved (the chocolate chip cookie). What inspired these women, and just how did they turn their ideas into realities?

From Sybilla Masters, the first American woman with a documented invention (although the patent had to be in her husband's name), to twelve-year-old Becky Schroeder, who in 1974 became the youngest girl to receive a patent, Girls Think of Everything tells the stories of these women's obstacles and their remarkable victories.

The Sky's the Limit: Stories of Discovery by Women and Girls
by Catherine Thimmesh
They study the night sky, watch chimpanzees in the wild, and dig up ancient clay treasures. They search the beach for rare fossils, photograph old rock carvings, explore the hazards of lead poisoning, and wander into dark caves. And in their watching, digging, and wandering, they become discoverers. Young and old, they are women and girls who discover seventy-million-year-old sea lizards, the very origins of counting and writing, Stone Age cave art, mysterious matter in the universe, and how a puddle of water can be sanitized when heated by the sun.

Here is a tribute to the findings and revelations of these remarkable women and girls: to their perseverance, their epiphanies, their wondrous curiosity. Brought to life by innovative collage illustrations, these inspiring stories drawn from primary sources consistently probe into still unanswered questions. Here are discoveries that open our eyes not only to what women and girls can accomplish but also to the astonishing world in which we live.

Madam President: The Extraordinary, True (and Evolving) Story of Women in Politics
by Catherine Thimmesh
When Abigail Adams asked her husband to “Remember the Ladies,” women could not vote or own property in America. Some seventy years later, when Elizabeth Cady Stanton wrote, “To vote is the most sacred act of citizenship,” the government of the United States still did not treat women as equals, having yet to grant them the right to vote. But sixty-four years after that, Geraldine Ferraro declared, “We can do anything,” and became the first American woman to run for vice president on a major party ticket. Today, surely our country is ready for a leader who, as Elizabeth Dole said, “will call America to her better nature.” This captivating book illuminates the bravery and tenacity of the women who have come before us. With an engaging narrative, fascinating quotes, and elegant illustrations, it not only shows how far women have come but also reveals the many unsung roles women have played in political history. Step by step, these capable ladies have paved the way for our young leaders of tomorrow. They have enabled and empowered us to ask today: Well, why not the presidency?

Girls Who Looked Under Rocks: The Lives of Six Pioneering Naturalists
by Jeannine Atkins (Author), and Paula Conner (Illustrator)

Girls Who Looked Under Rocks portrays the youths and careers of six remarkable women whose curiosity about nature fueled a passion to steadfastly overcome obstacles to careers in traditionally men-only occupations. The six--Maria Merian (b.1647), Anna Comstock (b.1854), Frances Hamerstrom (b.1907), Rachel Carson (b.1907), Miriam Rothschild (b.1908), and Jane Goodall (b.1934)--all became renowned scientists, artists and writers.

The New York Public Library Amazing Women in American History: A Book of Answers for Kids (The New York Public Library Books for Kids)
by Sue Heinemann

Taking a chronological and historical approach, the book makes use of a question and answer format to respond to questions that students might be asked in class, or ask for themselves, about historical figures. Beginning with Native American women, the chronologically arranged chapters cover a variety of historical periods. Attention is given to abolitionists, the temperance and labor movements, and to developments in literature and science. Additional information in the margins and boxed highlights expand upon or add to the Q&A material. The author includes as much information as possible on Native American, African-American, Latina, and Asian women. When providing names, she often offers variants of first names and married names. She includes famous women such as First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt, Harriet Tubman, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and far less famous ones like Nanye-hi (Nancy Ward), a Cherokee elder and leader who led her people to victory and who negotiated peace agreements with white settlers in 1755 and Kaahumanu, a 19th-century ruler of Hawaii.

Amelia to Zora: Twenty-Six Women Who Changed the World
by Cynthia Chin-Lee (Author), Megan Halsey (Illustrator), Sean Addy (Illustrator)
An introduction to 26 diverse, 20th-century women who have made a difference in such varied fields as the arts, sports, journalism, science, and entertainment. The entries include Dolores Huerta, Frida Kahlo, Lena Horne, Maya Lin, and Patricia Schroeder. Determination, imagination, perseverance, and strength are what bind them together. Entries are arranged alphabetically by first name; each woman is featured on a full page that includes a two-paragraph introduction, a quote, and striking mixed-media art that illustrates the essence of the person. There is sophistication in both the quotes and in the art, encouraging repeated readings. The nuggets of information should inspire readers and leave them with a thirst to know more about these women.

For your enjoyment here is a short video about how the book Her Story: A Timeline of the Women Who Changed America by Charlotte S. Waisman and Jill S. Tietjen came into being.

Her Story: A Timeline of the Women Who Changed America from Her Story U.S. on Vimeo.

Again if you know of any books not mentioned that cover the history and contributions of women please share it in a comment.

Mojo Monday ~ Being Thankful

2011-11-20T21:23:00.000-08:00

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity. It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” ~ Melodie Beattie

Here is a beautiful song called I Give Thanks by the talented Kathryn Mostow.

This week the majority of people in the USA will gather on Thursday for a holiday called Thanksgiving. The origins of the holiday may have a complicated historical past, yet the idea of families and friends gathering together to share in a day of Giving Thanks and expressing their Gratitude is inspiring.

I have been in some circles where we have gone around the dining table in order for each person to express his/her gratitude. I have also experienced meals where we each wrote down something for which we were thankful on a piece of paper and then they were all read at the table.

This last Friday night my family gathered with some other adult friends and we all dined together. We shared one thing we had learned this past year and at least one thing we are grateful for. Even my daughters shared what they were grateful for in their kindergarten class and brought home a drawing and the words written out for us to see.

Share with us here on the Red Boa what you will be Giving Thanks for this year.

“Embrace your ordinary life, whatever its wrapping, for in the embrace you will hear the whisper of Gratitude. Listen for her in the ordinary activities of your day, in the ordinary encounters with loved ones, and in the ordinary challenges that greet you each morning. She speaks from the depths of you, in the voice of your ordinary life.” —Patricia Lynn Reilly

Mojo Monday ~ US! Celebrating the Power of Friendship with Mary Anne Radmacher

2011-11-13T09:40:00.000-08:00

I have long admired writer and artist Mary Anne Radmacher. Her writing and images have been in my life for a very long time. One of the things I most love about technology is how I have been able to connect more personally with some of the writers I love most. Mary Anne has a strong positive presence on Facebook and she actually takes the time to connect with people. I was already familiar with some of her wonderful tales regarding letter exchanges between her and friends from her books. Through my recent interactions with her though I have had the chance to observe on a more personal level her incredible generosity and her very caring ways, so it came as no surprise when I learned she was releasing a book about friendship called US! Celebrating the Power of Friendship.

I was then incredibly honored to be contacted by her publisher to see if I would take part in a Mary Ann Radmacher blog tour. No one had to ask me twice! There was also the fact that I have been noticing a trend here on my own Red Boa blog, which is that the two most popular and most read posts are on friendship and belonging. I believe that we humans experience the most joy and deepest sorrows in regards to our relationships. They are what keep us going, and sadly at times, are what drag us to the depths of grief and loss. It appears that the topic of friendship is one that draws many to seek advice and answers. If you are seeking some guidance regarding friendship you have come to the right place. Here are some words of wisdom from Mary Anne Radmacher herself regarding friendship.

Special Note - Don't miss the opportunity to win a FREE copy of US! Celebrating the Power of Friendship. See details below!

10 Questions with Mary Anne Radmacher about Friendship and US!

What inspired you to write a book about friendship? Was there a particular friend that kindled the idea?

My friend, Maureen, was a high school senior when I was a sophomore. When she graduated she gave me a book of quotes about friendship. I knew when I finished enjoying those great thoughts that someday I would write a book on friendship. When I was 19 I operated a switchboard for a small college in San Francisco. In the quiet moments, I would work on my friendship book. A teacher who stopped by my desk each day, Professor Sparks, greeted me with an unusual question – “What dream are you working on today?” I easily and quickly replied, “My book on friendship.” Thirty five years later US! CELEBRATING THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP features some of the things I knew and treasured about friendship when I was still a teenager.

Why is friendship important - to women especially?

I first want to say that I believe friendships are very important to men – and I have observed that they deal with it and talk about it (when they talk about it at all) differently than women. Women want to affirm, support, validate what they know to and for each other. Women have an increasingly demanding set of roles to fulfill in our culture, and our friends help us “suit up” for those various tasks. Women friends offer each other support that is both tangible and metaphysical.

Is friendship more important than familial relationships? As important?

The answer to that question depends on the nature of one’s relationship to family. I was born around the time my parents were celebrating 25 years of marriage. Two of my siblings could have been my parents. The participants in my family structure were either a) tired or b) involved in their own life activities. From early on I learned to create my own “tribe” first from the neighborhood, then school, then peers in my life experiences. My friends, in all practical applications, have been like family to me.

Why do we need to take time out to appreciate our friends? Everyone leads busy lives, and our friends certainly understand that.

The busier I am the more conscious I am of how important it is to stay connected to my friends. It’s too tempting to relegate our friends to the back of the line. When, in fact, our relationships are one of the greatest graces of our lives.

Digital Art by Createwings Designs

What are some easy ways to show our appreciation?

I’m a BIG FAN of the postal service. Sending a fun or meaningful card “just because” is a real tender connection between friends. I use technology to take photos with the short caption, “I saw this and it made me think of you.” I’m encouraging groups of friends to use my US! book as a “scrap book” or to use an older term , “autograph book.” Each member of the circle has a copy and each book gets passed around. Friends write their own thoughts of appreciation on the page that most reminds them of their friend. Combining my words and illustrations with loving words from your own friends – a powerful and memorable combination.

Being cued in to the present and real struggles a friend is facing is important. More than saying, “Let me know if there’s anything I can do,” DOING something practical really shows how much you appreciate your friend. My friend is moving this week. She has a two hour daily commute. AND she has special food needs with a variety of allergies. I made allergy-appropriate lunches for her for a week. I said, “I know when you are moving you don’t even know where your kitchen utensils ARE! I hope this makes making good, healthy choices easier for you this week.” It got a big WOW from my friend.

As we get older, it becomes more and more difficult to establish new friendships. Why is that?

Age brings a certain predictability and a whole road of judgments and assessments at our backs. It becomes very easy to judge someone in advance and tell ourselves all the reasons why we likely wouldn’t like this person or that. Also, we’ve had a few friendship failures as we’ve gotten older and might be less inclined to be vulnerable. My dad outlived all his old friends and he told me one of the regrets of his life is that he did not take the time to make new friends. My life is like a shelf on a bookcase. My oldest and my newest friends are the book ends that hold all the other books together!

What are some ways to foster new relationships?

Be open to people who are different than you. Say yes to experience new gatherings and go to events that are a little out of your comfort zone. Listen attentively and observe how you feel listening to this new person. If you are immediately engaged, interested and alert…that might be an excellent basis for exploring the possibility of a friendship. If someone says, “We should talk about that,” or “I’d love to get together sometime and learn about your experiences with_________,” schedule the time. Sometime soon. Listening is an excellent way to foster a new relationship. And it’s also a litmus! If you find yourself endlessly listening with no opportunity to speak, that might be an indicator of a relationship you want NOT to foster. That’s important to pay attention to, as well. Not everyone you meet would make a good friend for you.

If you could plan a perfect night with a friend, or group of friends, what would that be?

I get to have quite a few of those kinds of nights. We share healthy and yummy food, work on some sort of art project and tell each other fabulous stories. Most of them even true!

What is your advice for people who have grown distant from friends, and don't know how to change that?

Reach out. Take the risk and say, “I miss our times of connecting. I thought of you just the other day and remembered the time that we…..” Sometimes just confessing that you’ve noticed some distance has crept in will be a relief – they have likely noticed it, too, and haven’t known what to do, either!

We can't talk about your books without mentioning the artwork. Do your friends inspire you, advise, you or in any way assist you in your creative life?

My friends deliver honest advice and critique when I ask for it and otherwise have an abundant supply of “Ooooooh’s” and “Ahhhhh’s.” That sweet celebration is like the warmest, softest sweater on a chilly afternoon. The finest compliment I get from any of my friends is when they purchase my work and give it as a gift to their other friends. Not only are they supporting my career but they are affirming that what I communicate has functional value to them. That means so much to me.

Some additional words of wisdom from Mary Anne Radmacher.

Digital Art by Digitreats

Do you have any words of wisdom regarding friendship?

How do you nurture your friendships?

The words and work of Mary Anne Radmacher have circled the globe on products, quotes in books, been included in speeches, are part of ceremonies from graduation to weddings to memorial services.

Radmacher's words are woven into media from Oprah's Harpo Studio headquarters, commercials, to being quoted in newscasts from the 2011 Tour de France coverage to the evening news with Diane Sawyer. Her signature posters are in board rooms and school rooms, adorn hospital halls and homes around the world (and found at maryanneradmacher.com) and her work is visible from the Clinton Museum Store to gifts store on the corner.

Stay current with her appearances and what writing processes she is guiding at www.MaryAnneRadmacher.net

You can find US! Celebrating the Power of Friendship here.
Her previous book LIVE WITH INTENTION was also just released as an ebook and can be found here.

Digital Art - Color My World Kit by Kay Miller

Waking Up Full of Awesome

2011-11-09T09:52:00.000-08:00

I am thrilled to feature Melissa Wardy and her fabulous blog post called Waking Up Full of Awesome in my column in the Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine. Come be inspired and reminded how awesome you are by clicking here.

Mojo Monday ~ Quotes on "Now" and "Your Story"

2011-11-07T03:00:00.000-08:00

Inspirational Quotes to Consider this Mojo Monday.

Mojo Monday ~ Time

2011-10-30T20:58:00.000-07:00

One afternoon after having picked up my twin daughters from school and arriving home I began to shuffle through the piles of paperwork they had in their folders. Only in kindergarten, each day they usually still come home with a stack of completed worksheets, art, newsletters, homework packets and various event and activity announcements. Since school started in August we have already sold Ducky Derby tickets, raised donations for a Jog-A-Thon, purchased school t-shirts, put in an advance order for a school yearbook, ordered reading books from Scholastic to raise money for their class, donated snacks a couple of times for the classroom and I’ve gone on two field trips. I actually love seeing their completed work and “ooh and ahh” over their art and the field trips with my daughters were wonderful. I wouldn’t have wanted to miss them for anything. Yet on this one particular day, as I saw requests for parent volunteers for the upcoming Harvest Festival, the sign-up sheet for parent conferences and yet more announcements, I felt like I was either going to cry or hyperventilate.

In the midst of this new role of kindergarten mommy I still work a 40 hour job Monday through Friday and I still pursue my writing and art interests. The last two are simply a big part of who I am as a creative person. There are at times other events that come into play. The most recent was preparing for my mom’s 70^th birthday party. It didn’t help that I went through a melancholy state prior to the big event. Fortunately my creative and artistic sister-in-law sent some much needed inspiration my way and before I knew it I was in full blown creativity mode putting together photo posters, a memory/photo book, and a slide show. It was all fun and I loved the reason for doing it. There was however also a moment, much like the hyperventilating/crying episode, where I told my husband in the kitchen, in the midst of the mayhem of a dog, a cat and two very busy and talkative five-year-olds, that I felt more like a human doing than a human being.

The act of going through loads of family photos to create a memory/photo book also made me take a good long look at the passage of time and how it all flows and moves and spirals along. There was nostalgia and this thought that in some regards the passage of my mom’s 70 years on this planet went by so quickly. The same goes for my 42 years. It seems like my five year old daughters were just babies and I do know that, in what may seem like just a blink of an eye, they will be teenagers and then adults.

Perhaps it was divine intervention or synchronicity working its magic, but I happened to receive a newsletter from a Buddhist publication called Tricycle Magazine. Honestly I get so many emails that some days I just go through and delete anything that isn’t from a human being I actually know. This time I happened to take the time to peruse the newsletter and a book by Lama Surya Das called Buddha Standard Time: Awakening to the Infinite Possibilities of Now was featured. The synopsis caught my interest and I ordered a copy. I felt a little desperate to learn how I might better handle time.

The very day the book arrived I read the introduction that night in bed. I had to laugh out loud when only on page five the author writes this (note the bold section is my emphasis, not the authors):

“One of the main obstacles to making peace with time is that we tend to experience it linearly: we keep moving forward, doing and accomplishing things, rather than just being. We are human beings, after all, not human doings. It costs us dearly to live only on the linear axis of time. We lose connection with our deeper and most authentic selves, too often mistaking mere movement for purpose and meaning. We adapt to a fast and faster tempo that keeps us feeling busy, but rarely with a sense of accomplishment. Staggering forward on a treadmill of events, we gather momentum until we lose any sense of how to stop. We are expert adapters, but the complexity and speed of our world require something other than merely adapting to its pace.”

In the introduction the author also shares these thoughts to which I found myself shaking my head in agreement:

“Many of us feel that the modern efforts to save time have backfired, bringing onerous new problems of their own. Our technological advances and constant availability have blurred the line between leisure time and work. No sooner do we wrap our minds around a new computer program than it becomes obsolete. We can end up wasting precious minutes stuck on the phone with someone on the other side of the world, trying to figure out how to reset the computer brain in our dryer, or stove, or espresso machine. It takes time to learn how to do online banking, connect with friends on Facebook, master the complexities of smartphones and GPS units, and download a best seller to our e-readers. When Excel crashes and the work is lost after we’ve spent an hour entering data for a deadline, our blood pressure skyrockets. There’s even technology to fix stress created by technology. I recently learned of an experimental Google feature called Email Addict that shuts you out of your inbox, forcing compulsive e-mail checkers to give it a break.

Don’t get me wrong. I think we’re living in an amazing age, as miraculous and futuristic as anything out of Star Trek and Jetsons episodes of my youth. I love being able to talk on my laptop face-to-face with someone on the other side of the world or to download a book or piece of music in a minute. The problem for a lot of us is figuring out how to disconnect from all this intensity for some peace and quiet. And how much of the time-related stress in our lives comes from trying to accommodate every single person who wants a piece of our day? Do you suffer from the “disease to please,” striving to satisfy all those who make a claim on your time? Many of us are torn between the desire to be generous with our time and the need to conserve our own energy. It takes only a few seconds to read a 140-character Twitter message, but the cost of the total distraction lasts far longer. The thinner we spread ourselves, the more we skitter over the surface of our lives, never going deep. And since we can be tracked down just about anywhere, anytime, it seems there is literally no escape.

In the pages that follow, I’ll teach you how to wean yourself from the addictions that sap time and energy, to clear out all the debris and distraction—in much the same way that a snow globe becomes calm and clear when you stop shaking it and allow the flakes to settle. You’ll see, for example, that we can stay at our desks or in a traffic jam and, however momentarily, genuinely give our attention to the present moment as a way of finding inner peace.

I want to show you how to coexist peacefully with the inevitable, the inexorable march of time. As a Buddhist, I’ve long studied the question of how to live authentically and joyfully in the present moment, and how to remain mindful, centered, and harmonious no matter what challenges come my way.”

In my own head I am shouting “Yes! Please show me how to find inner peace and coexist peacefully with time!”

As I’ve delved deeper into the book here are some excerpts I have highlighted and would like to share:

“If we cultivate clarity, detachment, and equanimity, we can learn to remain still and calm amid the torrent of commitments, no longer our over scheduled lives to rob us of the time we need to recalibrate and connect to the natural world, ourselves, and each other. For time moves on whether we are hurtling through life or savoring it. The big transformations can take place outside our daily awareness, until a stark reminder catches us up; hearing the new crack in the voice of a teenage son, perhaps, or seeing the unwelcome surprise of a gray hair, or wondering how it ‘suddenly’ became winter.”

“In my lectures, I always advise people to spend some time outdoors every day, even if only taking on e deep breath out of the window or star gazing on their way to their front door…When was the last time you felt the supportive, accepting vital energy of our earthly mother? Was it when you were a child, lying on your back in the grass?...Nature is the original fountain of knowledge, beauty, sustenance, and spiritual inspiration for all people everywhere,,,And then when you get a chance, go outdoors and find a quiet place to experience that moment of grace. It is a choice to go through life with a cell phone in your hand. Disconnect yourself from the wondrous gift of our technology often enough to remember that natural wonders have always existed and have always brought solace.”

“Don’t discount the possibility that you are putting unnecessary pressure on yourself…Ask yourself, Will it really change anything if this gets done a little later, or tomorrow? If not, relax and work out a realistic schedule. IF so, keep going, but intersperse the task with brief exercise, meditations, breath, or phone breaks, and don’t worry that they’re keeping you from your work, because they’re not: they’re enabling you to complete it.”

“One study indicated that in the busiest, most fast-paced modern American cities, people were the least likely to stop in the street and exhibit basic helping behavior, whereas slower-paced cities, such as those in the South and Southwest, exhibited more such altruism. It’s been theorized that cognition narrows through making haste, and also that as the speed of life increases, ethics becomes a luxury. As Rumi, the sublime Persian poet and mystic, wrote, ‘Come out of the circle of time and into the circle of love.’”

Creating a sacred space is another suggestion of the authors and he describes his own practice this way. “For over forty years, I have always kept a little altar or shrine of some sort, made out of furniture, logs, stones, cardboard boxes, crates covered with cloth, or whatever was handy and fitting. Such a space helps focus my meditation as well as my energies and daily home life. Now I have a meditations room in my home and I sit there first thing every morning for an hour, and sit there, however briefly, at night too…On the altar, I like to see a peaceful Buddha statue and some flowers or fruit offerings, incense, perhaps a crystal or special mirror to remind me of the timeless, ever-shining innate light of Spirit. Sometimes, during the day, I just cruise by, wave, and say hi to my teacher’s picture and the icons on the wall – just to cheer myself up. It’s like putting myself through a little karmic drive-through car wash, and I come out brighter every time.”

In the closing chapter Lama Surya Das shares these thoughts:

“When you make peace with time, and are not hurried and harried, you will find that room mysteriously opens up for new possibilities. Each moment is a doorway to the divine state of grace. Patience is a facet of the jewel of love, allowing enough time to create intimacy in relationship rather than experience them as ships passing in the night, which rushing through life is likely to give you instead. Mental calm, centeredness, and clarity provide a healing, nourishing pause in the frantic activity of our lives.”

Last, but not least, the final chapter closes with the author’s Ten Tips and Pointers for Befriending Time.

Rest in the breath while letting go of all thoughts, concerns, plans, worries and preoccupations.
Be mindful of the physical sensations you feel right now.
Feel the good earth beneath your feet or the seat that cradles you.
Chant a mantra or sacred phrase again and again, with pure, undivided concentration and focus.
Make eye contact with another being, and feel compassion and loving-kindness for whomever you are with.
Smile at someone, hug someone, or help someone.
Go outside and make contact with nature through the sky, clouds, trees, a flower, a body of water, the earth between your fingers, or any other manifestation of the magnificent natural world.
Read sacred words from the world’s wisdom traditions and scriptures.
Take a bread, a sacred pause, an “honorable rest” – whether for Sabbath or just for an hour or two – at least once a week, if not every day.
Listen to music, sing, dance, create, pray, and play.

Now breathe, smile, and relax…You have time.

So has the wisdom of the book sunk in yet? Am I feeling more at peace with time? Am I likely to hyperventilate any time soon? The first step I have taken, which is the author’s first recommendation, is to turn to nature for my grounding. I have always loved nature. I have always found some peace in just gazing at a scenic natural view. When life gets busy, even doing this can get cast aside. There are times like today when I went for a walk through the neighborhood with my daughters. We marveled at some of the giant leaves lying on the ground. We stopped and watched some birds at a neighbor’s giant bird feeder. I pointed out some mushrooms and a gnome almost hidden in another neighbor’s woodsy front yard. When we returned home the three of us raked leaves in the back yard. It is cute what can entertain and amuse five year olds. After creating piles the two of them then had a ball jumping in the leaves. My heart was happy at watching my daughters enjoy such a simple pleasure.

And sometimes, when time feels more fleeting, I am merely reminding myself to stop, take in the view of the sunrise, or my backyard bathed in the golden light of an autumn evening, or marvel at a gaggle of geese flying above, and simply gaze.

Just Breathe

2011-10-26T14:38:00.000-07:00

My latest creation ~ a reminder to just Breathe

If that isn't working here is what author and artist Mary Anne Radmacher recommends:

Persevere. Plan. Strategize. Focus. Breathe. Write.
Let go: relax. Forgive. All this failing: take a nap.
- Mary Anne Radmacher

Mojo Monday ~ Mankind Is No Island

2011-10-24T11:47:00.000-07:00

Mojo Monday ~ Freeing Your Spirit and Dancing with Life

2011-10-17T05:57:00.000-07:00

A melancholy feeling had overtaken me. My most recent music mix even took on a slightly gray hue of sadness. I knew it was bad when spending some time in my artist room playing with paints and glue and glitter could not pull me out of my funk. In fact the funk grew deeper as the art piece I had envisioned and was attempting to create would not come together. Instead of feeling pleased with the creative process I grew more frustrated because what I was seeing on the canvas was making me feel more mediocre than ever. My woe-is-me attitude began to spiral into questioning my purpose and bemoaning that I don’t have a local women’s circle. One way for me to try and short circuit the negative thought patterns is to pick a favorite book to read or take a bath. Even better yet is to combine the two. So that is exactly what I did.

As soon as I was immersed in the hot comforting water I began to read from a well-read copy of Finding Joy: 101 Ways to Free Your Spirit and Dance with Life by Charlotte Davis Kasl, PhD. My spirit chose well that evening because the short excerpts in this particular book were so perfect for what ailed me.

There are twelve themes in the book and each one has a multitude of topics within it. The twelve themes are as follows:

Discover the Power of Joy
Loving Yourself, No Matter What
Tapping the Power of Your Mind: A Training Manual for the Brain
Lighten Up: Finding Balance in a Crazy World
Marvel At Your Amazing Body
Reaching Out, Breaking the Rules: Tips for Making Life Easier
When You’re Sinking Grab a Life Line
Loving Your Body In Spite of It All
Loving Children, Discovering Ourselves
More years, More Wisdom
Dancing with Life
Joy to the World

Here are some excerpts for you to explore.

From Discovering the Power of Joy ~ #10 Allow Grief and Other Scary Feelings

One of the barriers to joy is a pent-up grief, sorrow, or anger. Other barriers are the secrets we keep because we are ashamed. Burying emotions and keeping secrets is like wrapping a shield around your soul that shuts out the smells of spring, the delicacy of touch, the softness of love.

It’s difficult to feel free and open when we’re congested with buried pain or rage or secrets. Joy flourished when we accept all of who we are. This includes experiencing our feeling and clearing out guilt and shame by being honest. How can we ever know we are loved if we show only a little part of ourselves to others?...

In my work as a psychologist I frequently see people emotionally constricted by repressed grief and anger. Over the years they become divided, detached or distant or turn to addictive substances or relationship. Because the human psyche is a holistic system, to numb one part of our being is to numb the rest and create constant inner struggle. I have worked with many couples who believe the love between them is gone. Often, after they open up and express their anger, hurt, and frustration, the love starts to return. It feels like magic, but it’s not magic; it’s the power of our ability to shift to new states of consciousness as we unblock the illusions that come between us and our love…

So when we sob with grief over a loss, cry because we’re hurt, respectfully express our anger and frustrations, or tell our shameful secrets, we are freeing ourselves emotionally and physically, which makes room for joy. This is a process that takes time. We need to be gently yet remind ourselves that freedom comes when we stop repressing our feelings and honor the truths of our inner world.

From Tapping the Power of Your Mind ~ #30 Accept Yourself, Remembering and Forgetting.

You get on the path of exercising, saying affirmations, writing regularly, paying the bills on time, not criticizing your partner, and then…yikes! You revert to old behavior. You can’t seem to drag yourself out to exercise, you start carping at your partner, you gorge on food, In short, you forget to do all the things that are good for you.

One the path to joy, it is important to accept that we wax and wane like the moon. We remember, we forget—and it’s all part of the dance. We push through our fears, get organized, take a risk, then retreat for a while. After a break, we once again push through inertia, and get going again.

Remember, you never have to do anything perfectly. Four affirmations are better than none. Walking one a week is better than once a month. Fresh vegetables three times a week is better than an unmitigated junk food diet…The important thing is to watch yourself play the remembering and forgetting game and be gently at all times. How you fall of the path is part of the path. It’s easy to love yourself when you’re winning. The real test is maintaining that love on the tough days. So keep remembering (until you forget) that it’s all drama, it’s all a dance, and it’s all okay.

From Reaching Out, Breaking the Rules ~ #48 If It’s Worth Doing , It’s Worth Doing Badly

Many people block themselves from undertaking new endeavors---from learning a language to taking up a sport or music lessons—because they are afraid of being clumsy and mediocre. I suggest that clumsy and mediocre can be wonderful compared with burying one’s dreams and shrinking one’ life. It is excellent for the spirit to be a beginner at something. Being a beginner keeps us humble, helps us understand children, and can bring tremendous pleasure if we stop judging ourselves and just enjoy. Better to a be a run-of-the-mill piano player than go to the grave regretting you never tried.

From Reaching Out, Breaking the Rules ~ #50 Stay Awake, Stay Aware—Learn from your Struggles

Sometimes we resolve to control a behavior and then find ourselves doing it again. At 8 am we say we aren’t going to eat sugar and at 10 am we’re munching on a sweet roll. We tell ourselves we shouldn’t spend more money and three hours later we’re ordering a new dress from a catalogue. It feels like something driving us that we can’t control, but it’s usually a substitute for a deeper, underlying need. Lonely? Eat. Angry? Seduce someone. Ashamed of a mistake? Blame someone.

The stay-awake-stay-aware approach helps you gain insight when you are going against your principles but can’t seem to stop yourself. The basic principle is that by adding awareness to compulsive or addictive behavior you transform the behavior.

From When You’re Sinking, Grab A Life Line ~ #56. Connect, Connect, Connect

We have talked about feeling overwhelmed or feeling like a child. Usually when children are upset they need to get rest, be held, be reassured. There are several types of connections that can help us out of an emotional jam. We usually need to do one or more of the following:

1) Connect with feelings.

2) Connect with another person.

3) Connect with our spirit.

Connect with feelings. When you suddenly feel disconnected, scattered, self-abusive, or nasty to others, it can be the result of repressing feelings about an event that recently occurred in your life. Backtrack to when you first go off course. Did you not stand up for yourself when you were angry with someone? Did you feel misunderstood and not tell anyone? Have you been rationalizing your feelings and need to be honest with yourself?....

Connect with another person. When we’re in crisis or being hard on ourselves, making a connection with another person can reassure us. No, we’re not unlovable to the core. No, we’re no the only one who ever blew it. Yes, other people care about us even when we get scared or make mistakes. Talking with another person can bring back perspective on a situation. The goblins in our mind get bigger in isolation….If you tend to tell yourself you shouldn’t bother people with your troubles or that you should figure it out on your own, you may have to push through shame to call someone. But on the path toward joy, connecting honestly with another person and sharing your vulnerability is crucial…

Connect with your spirit. Simply remember, this is drama, it’s not about your worth. You are sacred, you are life. You have the capacity for joy no matter how buried it seems at the moment.

When melancholy looms large in your life what do you do?

Did any of the excerpts shared spark something for you?

Author Charlotte Kasl describer herself this way on her web site:
"I wear the hat of psychotherapist, author, and teacher, but at my core, I am a peace and social justice activist. I believe the starting place for healing the planet is in our hearts and in the ways we practice respect, empathy, understanding and equality in all human relationships, including our relationship to ourselves." ~ Charlotte Kasl

Charlotte has written a number of books. One I have already read is called If the Buddha Married: Creating Enduring Relationships on A Spiritual Path. Her newest book that has yet to be released is called If the Buddha Had Kids: Raising Children to Create a More Peaceful World. It is one I will read once it is released.

Have you read any of Charlotte's books? If yes, do you recommend any?

Mojo Monday ~ The Letter That Needed To Be Written

2011-10-10T10:30:00.000-07:00

Goddess Leonie with her beautiful daughter.

This morning I read a powerful and honest account regarding pregnancy, birthing and post partum depression. It was written by Goddess Leonie and I applaud her bravery in sharing her personal experience. I believe that it will touch lives and comfort thousands of women who have felt alone or suffered in shame. You can find her story by clicking here: http://www.goddessguidebook.com/the-goddess-with-post-natal-depression/

I wrote Leonie a private heartfelt letter. It isn't one I will share here. What I can share is that it struck a chord with me. It seriously had me blubbering early this morning, because I can so relate to her story. The pressure of caring for twins was really hard, but adding to that was marriage challenges, low self-esteem and on top of it all trouble in friendship land. I felt so incredibly depressed and so alone for quite some time.

As I began to do intensive work on myself and my marriage, finding my voice was a part of the journey. An important step I took was to write to some medical professionals about my birthing experience. I wasn't treated the way I needed to be treated and I wanted to speak up because I didn't want any other women to experience what I did. I originally posted this back in January of 2009 on my first blog, which started off mainly to be about raising twins. That post was called "The Letter That Needed To Be Written."

Today when I awoke my mind was already in the middle of composing a letter. I lay there in the dark listening as the words weaved their way through my mind and to my fingers. I went straight to a journal and began to write in long hand, the words flowing and pouring forth onto the pages. My letter was in regards to a very personal experience, the birth of my children. I am finally sending a letter I feel could have been sent much sooner. I won't say "should have" because for whatever reason it must not have been time quite yet for me to write this letter. Perhaps this is the right time because I am feeling so much more open to messages from the greater universe and I find synchronicity glittering along this path I am traveling. I wanted to share my letter as I wrote it not just for myself but for all women. I write it for all women who have or will birth a child. Symbolically this letter can also be for anyone who births a painting, a book, a song, a dance...

I share to empower you to speak up when someone has not shown you or your birthing respect and consideration.

Dear Dr. Skipitis,

This letter has been residing in me for a long time. There was a point in time I thought of not writing one at all. Yet just this morning I awoke with the words flying through my head. I hadn’t even been thinking about this for quite a long time. Yet I suddenly felt compelled to write this letter, not just for myself, but for all women who will seek your care or will inadvertently find you are the physician on duty when they arrive to deliver their baby at Mercy Medical Center.

My intent in writing this letter is to share with you an experience I had almost three years ago. You played a role in the experience. I am hopeful that you will really hear me and give thought to the role you play and the impact you can have on the lives of the women you serve. You see I believe that doctors in your position serve in a beautiful way. You are there to help bring new life into this world. You are a witness to a human being’s arrival.

A little less than three years ago I arrived at the Mercy Medical Center with my husband to deliver, not just one baby, but two. I was expecting identical twin daughters. I was 36 weeks along when my water broke. The girls had been growing and developing beautifully according to the many ultrasounds. The estimates of their weights and sizes were right on track.

Early on in my pregnancy there had been a concern that the girls were monoamniotic. This was troubling when we read about the complications that could arise. Fortunately this was ruled out by an advanced ultrasound. We traveled to Sacramento several more times, as our doctor felt it was necessary, due to concerns about twin-to-twin transfusion. Again, fortunately we had no such problem.

Except for my own discomfort throughout the pregnancy, nausea that lasted for months and months, a persistent cough and the swelling, the girls appeared healthy and perfect in their safe first home. As we grew closer to the estimated delivery date the weekly monitoring of the girls heart rates began. I would lay uncomfortably propped up with pillows on a table, wires and monitors strapped to my belly. I couldn’t lay flat and being on my back, even though propped up, was quite uncomfortable. A few times during the monitoring I even experienced painful contractions. Yet this is what was required of me in order to ensure my daughters were healthy and thriving.

You were not my doctor so I had not shared any of this journey with you. It really is a journey. One that changes the contours and map of your body. It is also a journey that affects your mind, spirit and emotions profoundly. Your body is no longer your own. You are sharing it with another human being, in my case, two new human beings. My body was giving them life, feeding them and sustaining them.

While you were not my doctor and did not know me, you were the doctor on duty that night I arrived at the hospital. I learned later that my own doctor, Dr. Mooney, was attempting to celebrate an anniversary that same evening. He would eventually be disturbed with a phone call about me, his patient. He tried to assist from a distance the best he could that night.

When I arrived at the hospital that evening with my husband, bags in tow, I was beginning to feel the first tugs of the contractions. I had been feeling so completely calm ever since my water broke at home on the bathroom floor. I felt prepared. My bags were packed. I had drafted an email to family and friends already. All I had to do was hit send and load up the car.

The nursing staff was incredibly welcoming upon our arrival. I was quickly admitted and we were shown to our room. I changed into a hospital gown, leaving all sense of modesty at the door. The staff efficiently helped me into bed and began placing heart monitors on my belly and wheeled in a portable ultrasound machine.

The ultrasound showed that Baby A – our Maya – was head down and in position for delivery. Baby B – our Aubrey – had been head down for months, but just a few weeks back turned into a transverse position. This being a fairly recent change in positioning my doctor had not talked about what this might mean in regards to delivering.

It is about this point in the story, babies’ heart beats being monitored, me trying to find a more comfortable position, and the contractions beginning to intensify, that I received a phone call from you there in the room. You introduced yourself as the physician on duty and explained you would be delivering my children. The conversation we shared was rather brief so the next part of your message came out rather quickly. You said that you would be performing a c-section. I responded that we had wanted to deliver vaginally. You stated that a c-section was necessary. I asked why we couldn’t still consider a regular delivery. Instead of explaining or speaking to me as if I was an intelligent person you responded that this was the only way you’d deliver the babies. I said I needed to speak with my husband. You added at the end that if we didn’t agree then you’d have to have me removed from the hospital and flown by helicopter to a distant hospital.

I was holding the phone, lying in a bed in a hospital, in a hospital gown, contractions pulling at me more strongly, baby heart monitor beeping and I was calmly registering your statement that if I didn’t agree to a c-section with you that you would have me removed from the hospital.

There was some final statement from you about calling me back in a few minutes to find out our decision. The phone was hung up and I relayed your message to my husband. My husband felt a twinge of fear as he wondered if you really had the power to make such a decision. The idea of his wife being removed from the hospital while in labor with his children was rather terrifying. The staff in the room was listening and hearing what you had said too.

At that point in time the saving grace in this situation was the supportive and caring, truly caring, responses from the medical staff in my room and my husband. I could feel the women in that room circling around me protectively, offering me their strength and support. I was comforted with statements like “You aren’t going anywhere,” “This is your delivery,” and “You have choices.” Their statements were true and I knew it.

The mere idea that a doctor would threaten a patient in labor with twins that she could be removed from the hospital seemed ridiculous. It felt like a scare tactic to get me to do what you wanted, with no discussion or questioning of your opinion. It made me think of the old cliché “My way or the highway.” If I didn’t acquiesce immediately to your orders I needed to hit the road.

I am an intelligent and reasonable person. I needed you to explain to me and I needed you to converse with me. I didn’t need to be ordered around or spoken at.In light of what you had told me the staff made phone calls to other doctors. We awaited another doctor’s call or arrival. In the meantime the babies were still being monitored and my contractions were growing more intense and painful.

When you called back I was focused on what was happening with my body and the babies so my husband took your call. You asked what we had decided. My husband responded that we were waiting to hear from another doctor. You sounded angry on the other end of the phone and asked who was this other doctor that was being called. My husband replied that he didn’t need to tell you that. You again sounded quite angry over the phone and stated that you wouldn’t be our doctor and would not be delivering our babies. My husband told you that he thought that had already been decided.

Not too long after that phone call from you Dr. Pena arrived to speak with us. He was kind, gentle and reasonable. He performed another ultrasound himself to check the babies’positions. I asked him why we couldn’t try for a regular delivery since Maya was head down. I suggested maybe Aubrey would then have room to turn around. Dr. Pena explained he had not heard of that happening in all his years of delivering. He calmly explained the risks. He said that if Maya was the smaller baby and she came out first we ran a risk of trying to deliver Aubrey breech and the vaginal opening not being big enough for her head to come through last. The danger was lack of oxygen and rushing to perform an emergency c-section to save her. He explained all this and shared that he was not comfortable with such a delivery, but there was no ultimatum or orders. He simply said he would give us time to ourselves to talk about it and make our decision.

Upon his departure we had our discussion. While I had hoped for an old fashioned delivery I knew that I had not carried these two beautiful and healthy girls all these months to risk something happening to one of them. We did not want to risk their safety and so we had a nurse let Dr. Pena know we would go forward with the c-section.

The exchange we shared with Dr. Pena is how I felt it should have been from the very beginning. Speak to me reasonably. Don’t just toss out orders. Especially when it comes to something so amazingly intense and personal as the birthing of ones’ children.

The story of course continues without you. Dr. Pena delivered our girls and they were healthy and beautiful. There was a complication with my recovery as I hemorrhaged and a code blue was called. There was a bit of excitement as the hospital staff worked on me to stop the bleeding and save my life. In the end I was okay and I began my recovery. In a few days we went home with our daughters and began the journey of being parents and caretakers.

Family and friends asked us about the delivery. Some of our contacts were with people in the local medical community. When they heard the story of what had been told to us about being removed from the hospital they asked who it was that said such a thing. We told them.

I am insightful and I am willing to consider that anyone can have a bad day or an off night. At one point I wondered if you were having a bad day. I was willing to make an excuse for your treatment of us. I was willing to consider that maybe this was very out of the ordinary for you. Yet, there were several people who heard the story and who either knew you or knew of you, and they gave a knowing smile and a nod of the head. This story did not appear to surprise them.

I trust that you are a good doctor. Perhaps you are even exceptional. I am sure that you have had patients who have liked you and found you to care for them in all the right ways. I have seen you on television in support of public television. In fact that was the first time I ever “saw” you. Seeing that made me think that you must be a thoughtful and caring man. I noticed at the local Kids Kingdom playground your name on a plaque as a donor. It made me think that you must also be a generous person who gives to the community and cares for children and families. I don’t think you are a horrible person from my one experience with you.

What I do still wonder though is how many patients have you treated and spoken to the way you did me that night. How many women have been scared by the threat of being removed from the hospital by you? Perhaps I am the only one. It seems doubtful, but maybe that is the case. Yet if that is the case, what made my particular situation the one where you would say such a thing?

I don’t expect or even want a response from you. You may choose to crumple up this letter and throw it away. Yet I write with the hope that you will stop, listen and really be able to see through a woman’s eyes what it was like to interact with you on a momentous occasion in her life, a night like no other. I write with the hope that you will never speak to another patient the way you spoke to me that night. The women you serve as a doctor deserve more respect and consideration than I was shown that night. I hope that will always be the case for the women you serve in the future.

Sincerely,

Michelle

P.S. I am sharing this letter with my previous physician Dr. Richard Mooney, my delivering physician Dr. Pena and with President/CEO Rick Barnett with Mercy Hospital. I believe it is also important for them to hear this story in hopes that they too will be reminded of the very important role you all play in caring for a patient and providing him or her with respect and understanding, in addition to the best medical care you know how to provide.

Cc: Dr. Richard Mooney
Dr. Jorge Pena
President/CEO Rick Barnett

Mojo Monday ~ The Invitation

2011-10-02T14:32:00.000-07:00

Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder, with a dash of the dictionary. ~Kahlil Gibran

Have you ever read something, a book or a poem, that made an immediate impact on you? In the year 2000 I was first introduced to the writing of Oriah Mountain Dreamer. Someone I knew handed me a copy of her poem The Invitation. Back then I heard the false rumors, that still circulate today, which is that this poem had been written by a Native American elder. What I later learned is that Oriah is a woman who was raised in a small community in Northern Ontario. Her web site shares that Oriah’s family encouraged her to bring her questions and explorations to the Christian tradition they espoused. At home in the wilderness she was drawn to and at home in the ceremonies and earth-based teachings of the First People’s, eventually teaching and sharing what she learned. Her daily practice includes ceremonial prayer, yoga, meditation and writing. A graduate of Ryerson University’s social work program (Toronto) and a student of Philosophy at the University of Toronto she has facilitated groups, offered classes and counselled individuals for over thirty-five years. The mother of two grown sons, Oriah lives in Toronto, Canada. You can read about how her name came into being on her website here: http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

By Oriah © Mountain Dreaming,
from the book The Invitation
published by HarperONE, San Francisco,
1999 All rights reserved

Years later I read her books What We Ache For: Creativity and the Unfolding of the Soul, as well as The Dance: Moving to the Deep Rhythms of Your Life.

Here is an excerpt from What We Ache For:

"I experience the greatest resistance to writing when I am beginning a particular piece, writing a new poem or short story or starting a new book. As the day and time I have set aside to begin approaches, I feel a strange but familiar dread, a slight tension in my chest, a barely perceptible agitation in my arms and legs. If I sit with this sense of uneasiness, I discover a wide range of not particularly unique or fascinating fears: the fear that I have nothing wrothwhile to say; the fear that this time I will not be able to find the end of the thread that will take me into an effortless flow of words; the fear that the writing will simply be bad--unclear, uninspired, awkward, tedious. But beneath all these is the fear that the creative process will affect me in some unpredictable way, requiring changes in my life that will be at best uncomfortable and at worst truly risky. This latter fear is probably the strongest, and it has a basis in experience. Creative work, because it cannot be separated from our spirituality, inevitably connects us to that which is larger than us, and experiencing the sacred center of life can create a shift in perspective, can bring new insights and understandings that demand something of us."

Here is an excerpt from The Dance:

The Dance

I have sent you my invitation,

the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.

Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!”

Just stand up quietly and dance with me.

Show me how you follow your deepest desires,

spiraling down into the ache within the ache,

and I will show you how I reach inward and open outward

to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, every day.

Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.

Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.

Tell me a story of who you are,

and see who I am in the stories I live.

And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.

Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.

Show me you can risk being completely at peace,

truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment,

and again in the next and the next and the next. . .

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.

Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,

the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.

What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?

And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving those we once loved out loud.

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance,

the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.

And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.

Show me how you take care of business

without letting business determine who you are.

When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us

shout that soul’s desires have too high a price,

let us remind each other that it is never about the money.

Show me how you offer to your people and the world

the stories and the songs you want our children’s children to remember.

And I will show you how I struggle,

not to change the world, but to love it.

Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,

knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging.

Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words,

holding neither against me at the end of the day.

And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest

intentions has died away on the wind,

dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale

of the breath that is breathing us all into being,

not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.

Don’t say, “Yes!”

Just take my hand and dance with me.

Questions to reflect upon from Oriah in the Prelude to The Dance.

What if it truly doesn't matter what you do but how you do whatever you do?

How would this change what you choose to do with your life?

What if you could be more present and openhearted with each person you met if you were working as a cashier in a corner stone, or as a parking lot attendant, than you could if you were doing a job you think is more important?

How would this change how you want to spend your precious time on this earth?

What if your contribution to the world and the fulfillment of your own happiness is not dependent upon discovering a better method of prayer or technique of meditation, not dependent upon reading the right book or attending the right seminar, but upon really seeing and deeply appreciating yourself and the world as they are right now?

How would this affect your search for spiritual development?

What if there is no need to change, no need to try to transform yourself into someone who is more compassionate, more present, more loving or wise?

How would this affect all the places in your life where you are endlessly trying to be better?

What if the task is simple to unfold, to become who you are already are in your essential nature--gentle, compassionate, and capable of living fully and passionately present?

How would this affect how you feel when you wake up in the morning?

What if who you essentially are right now is all that you are ever going to be?

How would this affect how you feel about your future?

What if the essence of who you are and always have been is enough?

How would this affect how you see and feel about your past?

What if the question is not why am I so infrequently the person I really want to be, but why do I infrequently want to be the person I really am?

How would this change what you think you have to learn?

What if becoming who and what we truly are happens not through striving and trying but by recognizing and receiving the people and places and practices that offer us the warmth of encouragement we need to unfold?

How would this shape the choices you make about how to spend today?

What if you knew that the impulse to move in a way that creates beauty in the world will arise from deep within and guide you every time you simply pay attention and wait?

How would this shape your stillness, your movement, your willingness to follow this impulse, to just let go and dance?

"And enjoy this last piece of wisdom from Oriah

I’ve done enough interviews you’d think I would have some snappy, articulate answer prepared, a concise and profound or witty comment ready for the moment. But no matter how many times it comes, I never seem prepared. Maybe it's because I don't think of myself as having "A Message." As Wavy Gravy said, I'm just another bozo on the bus, albeit one that likes to reflect on and write about the journey.

So lately, at the end of interviews, with only moments remaining, this is the response that arises from the request to offer one last essential thing:

Life is messy. Accept this. It's okay to have a plan, just don’t focus on it. Things aren't likely to go according to plan. Focus on what you need to do next, right now. Pay attention to what has real value for you at the level of your body-heart-self- the people, places, activities and practices that help you feel truly alive, that support your ability to be present and kind. If there’s something calling to you, turn toward it and start walking. It may not lead where you think it will, but make a place in all of the wonderful chaos of life to listen deeply to the voice at the center of your being and pay attention to what it tells you. Life is short and messy. Don’t postpone living until life gets neater or easier or less frantic or more enlightened. There’s a “catch” to the popular admonishment to “live in the Now.” It’s that the only way to be in the Now is to be Here, in the life and the body you have, and in the world we share, right now (not with the body or the world we hope to someday have or imagine we used to have.) This is it. And it will change. Choose life in all the small ways you can, every day."

The Chocolate Cabinet by Geneen Roth

2011-09-25T19:00:00.000-07:00

The Chocolate Cabinet

by Geneen Roth

A mother of an 8-year-old was desperate. "My daughter is gaining weight by the second," she told me. "I am so afraid that I have passed on my troubles with food to her, and I don't know whether to remove all candy from the house, take her to a doctor, or put her on a strict diet. Help!"

"What is your daughter's favorite food?" I asked.

"Chocolate," she said.

"Does high cholesterol, high blood pressure, or diabetes run in your family?"

"No," she said.

"Is your daughter's health good?"

"Yes."

Desperation calls for radical measures, so I said, "On your way home, stop at the store and buy enough chocolate to fill an entire kitchen cabinet. In your kitchen, designate one cabinet The Chocolate Cabinet and fill it to overflowing with the chocolate you bought. Now, tell your daughter that this is hers and hers alone. Tell her that she can eat as much of it as she wants and that you will fill it back up when the cabinet gets even a tiny bit empty. Do not criticize her. Do not watch her with hawk eyes. And make sure that cabinet is brimming with chocolate. Wait three weeks, and then let me know what happens."

She looked at me in disbelief. "Have you lost your mind? If I give Gracie free rein over chocolate, she will devour every single piece before I can get to the store and buy more. She will gain a million pounds. I will create a monster!"

"Try it," I said. "Let's see what happens."

Fast-forward three weeks. The desperate mother says, "When I first told Gracie about the new plan, she didn't believe me. She waited until I left the kitchen, and then she plowed through the contents of her cabinet before I could change my mind. I filled up that cabinet four times that first week (with gritted teeth, I admit). But when Gracie realized I was not going to criticize her and that I was absolutely serious about letting her have as much as she wanted, she ate less and less. By the second week, I only had to buy a little chocolate, and by the third week, none at all. She is more relaxed around food. She is losing weight. I am a chocolate-cabinet convert!"

Does this story (it's true, by the way) make you excited? Slightly hysterical? Have you come up with 25 reasons why this wouldn't work at your house? You are not alone.

However, while some of your reasons may be based on fact, most of them are about your own relationship to food and hunger and abundance, not your children's. And here's the litmus test: Ask yourself what would happen if you filled one cabinet with food you wanted but believed you're not supposed to have. What would happen if you let yourself eat it without criticizing yourself? I can't swear to this, but I bet you have (at least) 25 reasons why that wouldn't work.

It's not about the food. Although the chocolate-cabinet idea was radical, I was almost positive that what Gracie wanted wasn't candy. She wanted her mother's (positive) attention. She wanted her mother to trust her. But mostly, she wanted to believe in and trust herself, and only way she could do that was by first learning those skills from her mother. The drama around food and weight gain was the language that Gracie was using to communicate with her mother. The real issue is never the food.

My mother was a fat kid whose own mother took her shopping in the Chubby section of Macy's. Growing up, my mother felt self-conscious, ashamed of her body around boys, clothes, socializing. Because she loved me and didn't want me to suffer the way she had, when I was a kid she began watching what I ate, restricting certain foods from my diet, telling me I was getting fat.

How did the hawk-eye, restrictive approach work?

Not so well. In response, I began hiding frozen Milky Ways in my pajama pants, sprinting past my parents' room and sitting over the trash can in my room eating the candy bars as fast as I could, ready to spit them out if my mother opened the door and caught me. I began feeling as if I needed to look a certain way for her to love me, eat certain foods for her to approve of me. And so I began living (and eating) a double life: When I was in front of her, I'd eat cottage cheese and chicken without skin. When I was out of her sight, I'd stuff myself with everything I wasn't allowed to eat in her presence. Food became the language of our relationship. And although, as my brother often points out, I've made a career from the dysfunction that resulted, I would not recommend this path to anyone.

When I hold my online workshops, mothers from all over the world ask me questions about food and their children. Mothers from Montana and New Jersey, Thailand and Brazil all have the same concerns. They all love their children and don't want to pass on their pain to their daughters (or sons); some of them have children who are already showing signs of starving themselves or stuffing themselves. They all want to know: How do I best love my child when it comes to food? What will help her the most?

I tell them, "Attend to your own relationship with food first." Be honest with yourself about what you actually believe. Do you believe you can't trust your hunger? That if you really let yourself eat what you want, you'd start at one end of your kitchen and chomp your way across the country? Do you believe there is an abundance of what you need, want, love?

After you begin exploring your own relationship with food, be mindful about what you communicate to your children. Deprivation, force, and shame do not ever, under any circumstances, lead to positive change. If you judge your children, if you create a moral standard about body size, if you withhold approval based on what they weigh, nothing good will come of it. They will begin judging their bodies, hiding their food, and defining their worth by what they weigh.

And ask yourself this question: If you could fill a cabinet with anything -- food, attention, time -- what would it be? Chances are, it won't be chocolate. Commit to being lavish with yourself with what you really need. As you do that, you will become a living example of self-care and trust and love. You will be who you want your children to become. Believe me, they'll notice.

Geneen Roth has authored many books:

Lost and Found: Unexpected Revelations About Food and Money

Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything

When Food Is Love

The Craggy Hole in My Heart and the Cat Who Fixed It

Breaking Free from Emotional Eating

Feeding the Hungry Heart

When You Eat at the Refrigerator, Pull Up a Chair

Appetites — On the Search for True Nourishment

Why Weight? A Guide to Ending Compulsive Eating

Mojo Monday ~ The Dressing Room Project

2011-09-18T19:51:00.000-07:00

Need a little pick-me-up today? Feeling a bit down on yourself? Has the critical monster in your head been picking away at your self-esteem when you look in the mirror?

Well it is time to pick yourself up. It is time to start feeling good about yourself. And it is way over time to banish that critical monster in your head to a closet where you will lock it in and throw away the key!

How does one accomplish this? Well a first step is to look around for some inspiration and some feel good messages! A perfect place to find just that is by visiting the web site for The Dressing Room Project.

This is how the project describes itself on it's web site:

"The Dressing Room Project is a girl-powered rebellion to free girls & women from the bonds of media-imposed standards of beauty! We’re posting our girl-designed cards on mirrors in women’s dressing rooms everywhere to help girls & women feel more comfortable in our uniquely beautiful bodies."

The story behind the project:

The Dressing Room Project is the brainchild of Mimi Kates, founder and director of Emerging Women Projects (EWP), a non profit organization for teen girls' empowerment. Girls in the program were getting angry about mainstream media's portrayal of women. These unrealistic ideals contribute to the prevalence of negative self-image, eating disorders and other unhealthy behaviors in girls and women. They decided to take positive action and launched this social change initiative in the year 2000.

What began as a small grassroots project has now grown to include thousands nationally who participate through posting their cards in stores and starting DRP Action Teams to promote the movement. They have over 200 Action Teams in the USA, Canada, Mexico, Ireland, United Kingdom, West Africa and Australia.

Above are more samples of the cards youth have created as part of the project. You can download the cards so that you can print them at home. Click here for the page where the link is available. They are perfect for taping on your mirrors, public mirrors and in dressing rooms.

You may also submit your own design! Use a 3 x 5 card and either mail it to The Dressing Room Project or scan it (at 300 dpi) and send it via email. Please include your name, age and state (or country if not USA.)

If you visit the site be sure to take a look at the Resource page that is called "Sisters In Beauty Rebellion." They also have a fun collection of shirts, buttons, caps, tote bags and more in the on-line Goodies Page.

Design your own dressing room card right now. What images are you including...stars, moons, hearts, sacred hearts, flowers, spirals, rainbows....???

What does it say?

For extra cosmic bonus points share a link to your design.

For even more extra cosmic bonus points send your design onto the Dressing Room Project.

Thriving In Spite of Adversity

2011-09-13T17:10:00.000-07:00

The most recent article I wrote for my column called We Are All Meant to Shine! in Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine is called Thriving In Spite of Adversity.

This particular article is about former foster youths Ashley Rhodes-Courter and Derek Clark. Both of them are such an inspiration. They are modeling for all of us, that even if difficult, challenging or tragic events occur in our lives, we don’t have to define our lives by those events. We get to choose the direction of our lives, based on the present, not on the past and we get to choose how we respond to what life throws in our direction.

Come read more by clicking here.

Mojo Monday ~ A Friendship Quiz

2011-09-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

Friendship Quiz as seen here.

You don't actually have to take the quiz. Just read straight through, and you'll get the point.

1) Name the five wealthiest people in the world.
2) Name the top five news stories five years ago.
3) Name ten presidents or leaders of the biggest countries in the world.
4) Name ten people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer Prize.
5) Name the last half dozen Academy Award winners for best actor or actress.
6) Name the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do? The point is, none of us remember the headliners of yesterday. These are no second-rate achievers. They are the best in their fields. But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners.

Here's another quiz. See how you do on this one:
1) List a few teachers who aided your journey through school.
2) Name three friends who have helped you through a difficult time.
3) Name five people who have taught you something worthwhile.
4) Think of a few people who have made you feel, appreciated and special.
5) Think of five people you enjoy spending time with.
6) Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier? The people who make a difference in your life are not the most powerful ones, nor have the most money or awards. They are the ones that care.

For your enjoyment a video of Carole King and James Taylor singing You've Got A Friend:

Mojo Monday ~ VoluptuArt

2011-09-04T13:42:00.000-07:00

"Every object, every being, is a jar full of delight.

Be a connoisseur."

~ Rumi

Do you have any favorite web stores? Have you found some that are more than just stores, rather they are places where you can browse for inspiration, perhaps for a few giggles and for that ever important visual stimulation that actually delights your soul?

I have a few favorite web sites that represent what I would create if I was going to open up my own virtual gift shop. One that tops the list is called VoluptuArt. If you have never experienced this treasure trove, than you are in for a super duper treat (picture a large ice cream sundae with all the trimmings.)

VoluptuArt's Mission speaks volumes:

"VoluptuArt has been created to bring you art that will inspire you to celebrate the fullness of your life!

Our art and gift items portray bodies of all sizes, shapes, ethnicities, ages and genders. We strive to find images that 'embody' a sense of aliveness, self-love and body esteem. We've also chosen items that we hope will encourage you to stop, take a breath and remember what is important in your life and to be grateful for your amazing body!VoluptuArt is packed with: sculptures, jewelry, functional art, wall art, journals, cards, magnets, candles, t-shirts, Yay! Scales and more!"

They also invite visitors to let them know about artwork or artists they believe would be a good match for VoluptuArt.

Some of my favorite artists have art work available on the web site: Shiloh Sophia McCloud, Mara Friedman, Anahata Katkin (PaPaYa), Krista Lynn Brown, Kristine Paton, K Robins Designs and SARK. It is a wonderful place to discover new artists too.

Here are some of my favorite creations by Kristine Paton. Many of her images are available on bookmarks too and she pairs each one with an empowering quote. They make wonderful bonus gifts if you happen to be giving someone a book.

Red Boa

This image is called Red Boa. The book mark has the following quote:

"To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance." ~ Oscar Wilde

Flamenco

This image is called Flamenco. The book mark has the following quote:

"Be Yourself The world worships the original." ~ Ingrid Bergman

VoluptuArt has quirky and unusual one-of-a-kind items. Take for example the YAY!

Scale. How would you feel if you stepped on the scale in the morning and it always gave you a compliment? "you're perfect", "you're gorgeous", "you're hot!" You'll never have another bad scale day with a Yay! Scale. Thanks to the principles of quantum physics - a Yay! Scale never lies! Conceived, designed, handmade, and signed by Marilyn Wann of Fat!So? fame. Note this is the silver version, another version comes in purple sparkle and one even comes in a plush hot pink carpet.

There are also amazing sculptures to feast ones eyes on. Here are some of my favorites. These two are by Shelley and Michael Buonaiuto called Gladys and Wind.

Wind

Gladys

Looking through the various themes can lead one to fun new discoveries as well. Some of the themes include: Goddesses, Divas, Funseekers, Frida Kahlo, Woman of Valor, Relationships, Rumi, Bellies, Breast Health and Ahhs and Giggles.

Another treasure that I enjoyed discovering is this petite earring Goddess holder shown to the left.

If you visit the VoluptuArt you may also want to visit their Resource page. They list articles, poetry, films and link to other inspirational web sites.

If you visit and find something that strikes your fancy come back and share.

If you have some favorite web sites please share links here too.

Mojo Monday ~ Gerda Lerner

2011-08-28T23:25:00.000-07:00

In 2011 women in the USA may hear of the injustices and lack of rights of women in other countries and wonder how is this possible? Our younger generations of women residing may take many things for granted that women in this country once had to fight for and in some cases even go to jail over.

For example in 1769 American colonies based their laws on the English common law, which was summarized in the Blackstone Commentaries. It said, “By marriage, the husband and wife are one person in the law. The very being and legal existence of the woman is suspended during the marriage, or at least is incorporated into that of her husband under whose wing and protection she performs everything.”

Once upon a time, women in this country, upon marrying, forfeited all their property to the ownership of their husband. After the passing of the New York’s Married Women’s Property Act in 1848, which granted married women some control over their property and earnings, other states slowly followed suit.

Some of these laws and events may seem like ancient history, however if one reads more about the history of women’s rights, it is shocking to learn what laws have have only been passed in recent years that protect women’s rights. I want to encourage every woman in the world to learn about the women in history who have made helped to make our world a better place for women.

This leads me to introduce you to Gerda Lerner, PhD who turned 91 years old on April 30^th this year. Gerda is the founder of women’s studies in the USA. She was born Gerda Kronstein in Vienna, Austria on April 30, 1920, and was the first child of Ilona and Robert Kronstein, an affluent Jewish couple. Her father was a pharmacist, her mother an artist.

Here is how Gerda describes some of her early years in her own writing:

“I was born a middle-class Jewish girl in Vienna in 1920. My family always lived in a nest of security surrounded by the vast insecurity of a truncated former empire, repeatedly threatened by invasion and instability. To be born and raised Jewish in a country in which Catholicism was the state religion and anti-Semitism was an honored political tradition meant, from early on, to be branded as different. Jews were set apart, we were not ‘normal.’ Fascists and anti-Semites were organized in political parties and, in the years of my growing up, became more and more powerful. Finally it was not a question of whether they would come to power, but when.”

“What of the life of the mind? I received mixed messages in the family. My father, a pharmacist, exemplified the virtues of scientific inquiry, of respect for verifiable truths and replicable experiments."

"My mother was a sort of feminist, heavily influenced by Ibsen, Scandinavian novelists, and French avante garde thinkers. She was a self-defined Bohemian, rebelling against the bourgeois standards of propriety, advocating sexual freedom, and experimenting with all kinds of then novel practices, from vegetarianism to Yoga. She was unhappy in her marriage and revolted against the traditional roles of housewife and mother. She fashioned an alternate lifestyle for herself that scandalized her mother-in-law, with whom she lived in a constant state of warfare. My mother was an artist and wanted to focus on that vocation, something she was not fully able to do until the years of emigration, when she was free of familial responsibilities. She had a studio in the city, where she kept a kind of salon for young artists and writers. Despite their marital difficulties, my father helped her artistic development in every way.”

Following the take over of Austria by the Nazis, she joined the anti-Nazi resistance, and spent six weeks, including her eighteenth birthday, in an Austrian jail. Her family was able to escape from Austria and persecution by the Nazis, but while they remained in Europe, Gerda with the help of a young man named Bobby Jensen, immigrated to the United States in 1939. After working a series of jobs and marrying and divorcing Jensen, she met and married Carl Lerner, a young theater director. Gerda shares this about her life:

“At this time, when I look back on my life and my work, I see patterns and connections that were not so clearly visible at an earlier stage of my life. The impact of outside political and social events that I experienced in childhood and as a teenager shaped my connection to history: I was a victim of terror and persecution; my life was deeply affected by historical events. As a witness to terrible events, I early learned that history matters. On the other side, a childhood in which artistic creativity and expression were cherished and in which learning was considered not only a practical means of career building, but a means of finding equilibrium and meaning in life well equipped me for survival as a refuge. The life of learning and thinking would always be connected for me with teaching others and with finding a way of applying what I knew to the problems in society.”

“Growing up under a fascist government as a young girl, I wanted to change the world. Antifascism was real to me, a ray of hope in a hopeless environment – it meant democracy, free elections, equal rights for al citizens, freedom of thought. During a short stay in a Nazi jail, from which at the time I had no hope of ever escaping, I learned from my cell mates that political action meant working with others. Once could not survive alone.”

“Later, in America, as an unskilled immigrant worker, I learned firsthand what it meant to be poor and without a support network. I had lived my childhood and adolescence in middle-class comfort; now I was on my own in a labor market in which women were restricted to only the most undesirable jobs. I worked as a domestic, as an office worker, as a salesgirl, and, after a year of training, as a medical technician --- always at minimum wages and without job security. During job searches and on the job I experienced discrimination against women –pervasive, sometimes subtle, often open. At times it was mixed with other forms of discrimination. I applied for a job as a switchboard operator at the New York Telephone company. I never made it past the first interview. ‘We don’t hire Jewish girls,’ she informed me. ‘Why?’ ‘Their arms are too short to reach the switches.’ That was a new one…

Gerda and Carl Lerner had two children and remained married until his death in 1976. It wasn’t until she had raised her children that she decided to go to college. Here is how she describes the experience:

“In the Fall of ’63 I entered Columbia University. I was forty-three years old; my daughter was in college and my son was in high-school. My husband was busy with a successful career as a film-maker and teacher of film. I had shopped around before selecting a graduate school in order to be allowed to do a biography of the Grimke sisters, the only Southern women to become agents and lecturers of the American Anti-Slavery Society, as my dissertation. Columbia was the only place where the department chairman was willing to bend the institutional regulations so as to meet my needs. The topic, on which I had already been working for four years, was approved for my dissertation, even before I had fulfilled my orals requirements. Due to this flexibility, I was able to earn both the M.A. and Ph.D. degrees in three years from the time I entered, while also teaching part-time at the New School and for the final year at Long Island University in Brooklyn.”

“In a way, my three years of graduate study were the happiest years of my life. It was the first time in my adult life I had time and space for thinking and learning. Greedy for knowledge, the way only people who have long been denied an education can be, I gave up all recreation, social life, and other interests. More than anything else I was driven by an urgency to learn what I needed to know in order to carry out a passionate ambition, which by then had take concrete shape in my mind.”

“During the interview at Columbia prior to my admission to the Ph.D. program, I was asked a standard question: Why did I take up the study of history? Without hesitation, I replied that I wanted to put women into history. No, I corrected myself, not put them into history, because they are already in it. I want to complete the work begun by Mary Beard. This announcement was, not surprisingly, greeted by astonishment. Just what did I have in mind? And anyway, what was Women’s History? The question set me off into a lengthy explanation, on which I have played variations for the past forty years. I ended in somewhat utopian fashion: ‘I want Women’s History to be legitimate, to be part of every curriculum on every level, and I want people to be able to take Ph.D.s in the subject and not have to say they are doing something else.”

“As if my age and unusual background did not sufficiently mark me as ‘different’ from other students, I set myself further apart with this little speech, as being opinionated and having grandiose ambitions. But my real difficulty in graduate school was not so much style as substance – I could not accept the content of the curriculum, the worldview I was being taught.”

“In the twenty-five years since I had left school in Vienna, I had been an unskilled and later semi-skilled worker, a housewife, a mother, a community activist. In all these roles I met an active group of women, who worked quietly and without public recognition, usually without pay and frequently without an awareness of the significance of the work they were doing. Political organizations were influenced by their work, yet no one would ever know of their existence through the writings of historians or through the media.”

“Now, in one of the best graduate schools in the country I was presented with a history of the past in which women did not seem to exist, except for a few rulers or some who created disturbances. What I was learning in graduate school did not so much leave out continents and their people, as had my Viennese education, as it left out half the human race, women.”

“I found it impossible to accept such a version of the past as truth. I questioned it in seminars and in private discussions with faculty, and I was quickly made the target of ridicule by my teachers and classmates. Had I been a young woman just out of college, I probably could not have withstood this social pressure. Still, after a while, I made a place for myself and even won the respect of some of the faculty for my specialized knowledge. I learned sometimes from my professors, often against them, and much by trail and error, but always I tested what I was learning against what I already knew form living. What I brought as a person to history was inseparable from my intellectual approach to the subject; I never accepted the need for a separation of theory and practice. My passionate commitment to Women’s History was grounded in my life.”

Lastly here are some of Gerda’s thoughts on the importance of recognizing women in history:

“In U.S. historiography, as in American popular culture, historians have tended to over-emphasize the role of the individual in history. Great men are identified as founders and leaders; they become the virtual representatives of the movement: William Lloyd Garrison for abolition, Eugene Debs for the socialist movement, Martin Luther King Jr. for the civil rights movement. In fact, no mass movement of any significance is carried forward by and dependent upon on leader, or one symbol. There are always leaders of subgroups, of local and regional organizations, competing leaders representing differing viewpoints, an, of course, the ground troops of anonymous activists. And, as can be shown in each of the above cases, emphasis on the ‘great man’ omits women, minorities, many of the actual agents of social change. In so doing it gives a partial, an erroneous picture of how social change was actually achieved in the past and thereby fosters apathy and confusion about how social change can be made in the present.”

“When I undertook to study the past of women I did not know that I would have to learn more than several advanced academic degrees could encompass. I would have to learn to think in opposition; to free myself from patriarchal thought and constrains; to learn to withstand ridicule, contempt, and obstinate resistance.”

Dr. Gerda Lerner on her 90th Birthday (April 2010)

Gerda Lerner has published a significant number of books. Her first book was written in 1955. The most recent publication was released in 2003. Her writings have continually recognized the importance of women in history. In 1981 Dr. Lerner became the first woman in fifty years to be elected president of the Organization of American Historians. Gerda Lerner has created a lasting legacy. We must be the ones to ensure that a women such as Dr. Gerda Lerner is not forgotten and that her name and contributions are recorded in history books of the future.

How do you think we can ensure that more people learn about women like Gerda Lerner?

What are your thoughts about Gerda Lerner's life?

Did it surprise or shock you that Gerda Lerner met with resistance to developing women's studies and women's history courses at the university level?

Some of Gerda Lerner's Professional Accomplishments:

Musical

Singing of Women (1951, with Eve Merriam)

Screenplays

Prayer Pilgrimage for Freedom (1957)
Black Like Me (1964)
Home for Easter (n.d.)

Books

No Farewell (1955) an autobiographical novel
The Grimké Sisters from South Carolina: Rebels against Authority (1967)
The Woman in American History [ed.] (1971)
Black Women in White America: A Documentary History (1972)
The Female Experience: An American Documentary (1976)
A Death of One's Own (1978/2006)
The Majority Finds Its Past: Placing Women in History (1979)
Teaching Women's History (1981)
Women's Diaries of the Westward Journey (1982)
The Creation of Patriarchy (1986)
Why History Matters (1997)
The Creation of Feminist Consciousness (1993)
Scholarship in Women's History Rediscovered & New (1994)
Fireweed: A Political Autobiography (2003)

Here is a video of Gerda Lerner, PhD being interviewed: