Mojo Monday ~ Cracks In the Universe

Mother, teach me how to see
The shining lights of stars,
The faces of the Ancestors,
In worlds both near and far.

Show me how to welcome
The visions appearing to me,
Seeing the truth in detail,
Unraveling each mystery.

Walk me through the Dreamtime
Of altered time and space,
That I may share those visions
With every creed and race.

Doorkeeper of all dimensions,
I seek your Medicine ways
Of how to earth my visions,
Seeing truth, inside me, today.

~ Jamie Sams from "Looks Far Woman" chapter
in The 13 Original Clan Mothers

Wings and fins.  They have been appearing in unexpected places lately.  I don't always pay attention to signs or my muse.  I get caught up in the daily routine and my focus starts to narrow in on work and a busy family calendar schedule, which has me jetting off to play volleyball on Monday nights and shuttling my sweet twin daughters to softball practices and games twice a week.  All of this is after eight hours a day of supporting social workers, families and children at a foster-adoption agency.  On many a evening I just want to kick back and do some Netflix streaming with the hubby, in lieu of checking in with the oracles or my muse.  Yet if I stray to0 far from the creative energy within things also start to feel off kilter.  I know that on a soulful level it is important for me to make time for quiet, for reflection and for pondering.  Listening to my intuition and my creative impulses is also key for me to staying in touch with my soul.  It is through my writing, my art and the courses I take, that I am reminded of the deeper meanings to life and also of a spiritual web that connects us all.

There are several things that I turn to to keep me connected to the muse and spirit.  The first is creating the space for writing and creating, be that painting, collaging or some other form of creative outlet.  Fortunately I have writing commitments that require me to write at least three articles each month.  Those commitments can be a taskmaster at times (monkey on my back so to speak) but there can be a gift in discipline and accountability.  There have been months where the written words have flown easily and sweetly from my mind and heart over to the page.  There have also been weeks and months when I have procrastinated and struggled to get the ideas flowing, the stress growing as deadlines loomed over me.  In the end it comes down to making the time and doing it even when it feels like work.  Even when it is hard I still feel drawn like a moth to the flame, to compose words like music on a page into some form of lyrical story.  I am grateful for the results of showing up, even when I don't always feel like it.

Painting, collaging and general ol' creativity is another great love.   That I may go days and weeks without playing in the art room seems mad, but that is the reality from time to time.  If there are extended time frames when I am not playing and creating I now see that this coincides quite regularly with feelings of lethargy, sadness, boredom, general malaise and so on.  Here is where being involved in a journaling class can give me the kick in the ass I need.  Its like my muse has this wicked sense of humor and entices me to sign up for something, even when the practical office manager in me is saying, "But you already have too much to do my dear, how ever can you make the time for this class?  Get real."  Fortunately the muse is very persuasive and manages to lure my inner artist to retrieve the credit card and sign up while the office manager is busy doing taxes or organizing her files.  It is so worth it too, for I have loved, loved, loved, the several Storywalking courses that I have taken with Jenafer Owen.  The current one began on March 1st and is called Storywalking: A Very Daring Tail.  Click here to read more about the intriguing details and take note that the next course begins April 21st.  These courses have forced me to be more in touch with the muse, my intuition, symbolism, signs and creative visions.   

One of the recent activities we were asked to complete in The Daring Tail course involved an Oracle.  If you want to try it out for yourself visit the Oracle here and write down what it has to tell you.  Visit it three times in row, recording each cryptic message.  Then sit with it.  Ponder it.  Look up the true definition of key words.  Be surprised sometimes to learn that words can mean something other than you thought.  After much reflection how have you translated the message of the Oracle?  Let me share my recent communication.

It has grown more obvious to me how, when I am closed off and in task master mode, that I can be oblivious to noticing the nuances of spirit.  When I slow down and open myself to creative spirit the influx of synchronistic images or words can be profound.  In January and February I had felt like I needed a break from any new commitments and had abstained from taking any on-line courses.  I was still in the mode of not taking anything new one, but at the last minute I signed up for The Daring Tail course, which started on March 1st.  

There is a theme regarding mermaids and sea life in this course.  Once I was signed up I had several occasions to note that mermaids and sea life images had been showing up around me for several weeks, but that I had not noticed.  A couple of weeks into the course I also remembered how I had just read the novel The Mermaid Chair by Sue Monk Kidd only a couple weeks prior.  Even in the prior December Storywalking course I was astonished when flipping back a few journal pages to discover the funky mer-creature I had drawn, as well as my companion animal from a guided meditation, which was none other than a while who had a very specific message for me: "We are going to plumb the depths...and swim among the stars."

Lastly, one other way this past year that I have seeked out greater vision and communion with spirit, has been by participating in a personal Vision Quest with a spirit guide.  One of the inspirations for the journey is the book The 13 Original Clan Mothers, by Jamie Sams. Each month I am to read the assigned chapter and create my shield.  My shields took the form of prayer flags and that particular vision came to me the first day I spoke with my spirit guide.  There are also additional monthly assignments to complete.  The journey began last June and will come to a conclusion at the end of my 13th month. I will admit that sometimes I have felt like throwing in the towel. Sometimes I have felt like an imposter.  Sometimes I have questioned if I am doing enough and/or doing it right.  Yet I have committed to the journey and have grown to embrace that it is mine and is not to be compared to the journey of another.  This Vision Quest has also pushed me to reside in a space of greater spiritual reflection.  

Storyteller ~ my first prayer flag from June 2013.

What are some ways that you stay connected to source?

Do you have regular creative practices that
feed your soul and keep you inspired?

Have you ever noticed that if/when you drift away
from doing those things that feed your soul
that you start to feel down, blue and disconnected?

Any words of wisdom about how to keep your soul fire burning bright?

"Looks Far Woman is the Clan Mother who is the 
Guardian of the Fourth Moon Cycle, which falls in April.  
The full spectrum of pastel colors is connected to the 
Clan Mother's cycle, because she carries the 
Medicine of Prophecy, see the truth in all colors.  
She is the Doorkeeper of the Crack in the Universe 
and the Golden Door of Illumination that 
leads to all other dimensions of awareness.  
She stands at the Crack in the Universe 
and safely guides all human spirits taking Dreamtime journeys 
into the other realms and then, back home, 
being present and fully conscious of their bodies.

This Clan Mother is a Seer, an Oracle, a Dreamer, and a visionary.
She teaches us the validity of our impressions, dreams, visions
and feelings as they exist within our inner potential.
Looks Far Woman instructs humankind on how to unravel
the symbols found in psychic impressions.
She shows us how to see the truth in every vision we receive
in the tangible and intangible worlds.
In her wisdom, Looks Far Woman assists every seeker
in finding the seeds of personal and planetary prophecy
that the Great Mystery planted inside all human beings."

~ Jamie Sams from The 13 Original Clan Mothers

Mojo Monday ~ Scheduling Joy and Growing Your Soul

Is your calendar full?  Do you wake up thinking about the things that have to get done?  Does your chore list seem a mile long?  In the midst of the laundry, taking the kids to softball practices, doing your time in the 8 to 5, feeding the pets and making meals, have you scheduled joy into your day? Jonathan Robinson, author of Finding Happiness Now: 50 Shortcuts for Bringing More Love, Balance and Joy Into Your Life has some ideas and recommendations for getting happier and one involves actually scheduling joy into your life just as you would a doctors appointment or a meeting at work.

What if you aren't clear on what brings you joy?  Jonathan Robinson recommends writing out a Pain and Pleasure List (PPL).  The PPL is a list of at least 10 things that you enjoy doing and and a list of 10 things you don't particularly care for.  He states the point is to clarify what really turns you on in life and what you do only because you have to  -- or think you should.

As an example he shares a list that a client completed when given this assignment.  Here is the clients lists:

Ten Things I Don't Like To Do

Go to work
Market myself or my products
Clean the house
Cook
Be around disagreeable people
Spend time with my parents
Taxes and paying the bills
Give my wife a massage
Go shopping for clothes or gifts
Argue with my wife

Ten Things I Love To Do

Ride my bike
Be by myself, reading a good book
Play with the dog
Eat good food
Travel
Get a massage
Spend time in nature
Make love with my wife
Drive & listen to music
Watch a good football game

The author then shared that after his client completed his list he asked him to estimate the number of hours every month he spent doing each activity.  Jonathan writes "When he finished this part of the exercise, it was brutally clear why he was depressed, stressed and messed-up with his wife.  The total number of hours on the 'pain' side of the list was a whopping 215 hours per month.  The total number of hours on the pleasure side of the list was a meager thirty-two hours a month.  That's almost a seven-to-one ratio of pain to pleasure.  I've found that when the degree of pain compared to pleasure rises above a five-to-one ratio people dislike their life.  In order to feel good again, such people need to spend less time doing 'painful' activities and more time doing what they enjoy."

The author then adds for his readers "The first key to changing your life and behaviors is to be aware of whats currently not working.  If after completing your own PPL, you see a similar pattern to James' then you'll now you've been denying yourself too much.  You need to put pleasurable activities at a greater level of importance in your life."

Take some time right now to complete your own PPL List.  I'll complete one too.

Ten Things I Love To Do

Read (extra bonus points if it is in a hot bath)
Be in nature and soak in the beauty
Take photos of things that make me happy
Laugh
Listen to music with positive lyrics
Play/do something fun with the family
Create (paint, draw, make collages)
Share juicy and uplifting conversations
Feel connected to others/nurture relationships
Eat/drink something delicious that also enhance my health & vitality

Ten Things I Don't Like To Do

Clean the cat box
Be in a cluttered and messy living space
Cook after a long day at work
Have too much work to complete in a day
Deal with technical difficulties
Be overbooked
Fall behind on writing deadlines
Listen to complaining
Experience conflict or be around conflict
Take care of sick people

Add some of the things on your Things I Love To Do list to your calendar, be it techy style in Outlook or iCalendar or the old fashioned paper one hanging on your well.  How did it feel to add these onto your calendar?  Does becoming more conscious of making time for joy shift anything?

How about growing your soul while also making time for more joy?  Does the concept of growing your soul sound daunting, challenging or even painful?  I have some good news.  According to Kurt Vonnegut growing your soul can be both simple and fun.

In 2006 Ms. Lockwood, an English teacher at Xavier High School, asked her students to write a letter to a famous author. She wanted them to discuss the author’s work and ask for advice.  Kurt Vonnegut (1922 – 2007) was the only one to write back.  He even signed off with a drawing.

Dear Xavier High School, and Ms. Lockwood, and Messrs Perin, McFeely, Batten, Maurer and Congiusta:

I thank you for your friendly letters. You sure know how to cheer up a really old geezer (84) in his sunset years. I don’t make public appearances any more because I now resemble nothing so much as an iguana.

What I had to say to you, moreover, would not take long, to wit: Practice any art, music, singing, dancing, acting, drawing, painting, sculpting, poetry, fiction, essays, reportage, no matter how well or badly, not to get money and fame, but to experience becoming, to find out what’s inside you, to make your soul grow.

Seriously! I mean starting right now, do art and do it for the rest of your lives. Draw a funny or nice picture of Ms. Lockwood, and give it to her. Dance home after school, and sing in the shower and on and on. Make a face in your mashed potatoes. Pretend you’re Count Dracula.

Here’s an assignment for tonight, and I hope Ms. Lockwood will flunk you if you don’t do it: Write a six line poem, about anything, but rhymed. No fair tennis without a net. Make it as good as you possibly can. But don’t tell anybody what you’re doing. Don’t show it or recite it to anybody, not even your girlfriend or parents or whatever, or Ms. Lockwood. OK?

Tear it up into teeny-weeny pieces, and discard them into widely separated trash recepticals. You will find that you have already been gloriously rewarded for your poem. You have experienced becoming, learned a lot more about what’s inside you, and you have made your soul grow.

God bless you all!

Kurt Vonnegut

Right now let's do Kurt Vonnegut's assignment and write a six line poem.  Keep it simple and easy and just see what flows out.

Did you learn anything new about yourself after completing your poem?  Was there a message from your soul?

Mojo Monday ~ What Do You Want to Feel?

"When you lean into your desires, you liberate your power - and your joy."
Danielle LaPorte

I have been contemplating the question "What makes me happy?" for a few weeks now.  I have a Mojo Monday writing partner though her articles only appear on the Cosmic Cowgirl member sites, where my Mojo Monday musings also get posted.  Trish O'Malley has been brilliantly covering the topic of happiness for a couple of weeks now.  What I shared after her last post was the following:

"I read the intro to Danielle LaPorte's book called The Desire Map on Amazon for the first time a week or so ago. It really stuck with me when she shares how she and her former husband were making lists about things they wanted in their lives.  And how it was a great aha moment when they suddenly realized that it wasn't so much the things, but the feelings they were hoping to attain.  She shared how that shifted their list."

Danielle then goes onto list the words that flowed forth and the ensuing conversation:

Freedom!

Abundance.

Sexy.

Earth. Nature. Eco-love.

Connected.

Creative.

Temple.

True love.

The posts on happiness by Trish and checking out the contents of the book The Desire Map was timely for me.  My home life is good.  My hubby and I are in a really good place with one another.  My twin daughters are almost eight years old and are such a total joy.  They are fun and blossoming in so many ways.  I love coming home to them and spending time together as a family.

Where I am struggling is in my professional life.  At the end of March my 10 year anniversary with the agency I work for will come to pass.  10 years.  It kind of blows my mind that I have been doing this job for 10 years.  I still hold such deep gratitude for all I have learned and how my life has been enriched doing work that makes a positive difference in the world.  My peers for the most part are all social workers who have masters degrees or who have gone onto get licensed.  It has been a beautiful fit for me because I do have the soul and spirit of a social worker.  Recently when I took one of those Facebook quizzes about which career would be best for me the answer was Humanitarian, and it listed social worker for a career.  (You can find the quiz here if you would like to take it too.)

While I may have the soul of a social worker I don't have a social worker degree, though I wish I would have been better informed about my options in college.  Instead I have a degree in History, another in French, along with a minor in English and certificates in editing and publishing.  My creativity, organizational strengths and technology skills have served me well in administrative and office manager jobs in printing, education and then social services.

For a number of months I truly have been making myself miserable and sad with my own thoughts about success/lack of success and so on.  I have had this storyline stuck in a loop-feed in my head about my being 44 years old and only making "X" amount of money.  This partly surprises me because I have never been about the money.  However, I know that tied up in this is feeling like I have hit the ceiling in my current position.  Not to mention that I have also been in limbo for many months in regards to where a writing project might be leading.  Waiting, when it could likely end with rejection, has been stressful.  (Note to self ~ I really need to work on more letting go and anxiety/stress-relieving techniques. Perhaps re-read my own post about anxiety that can be found here.)  

In exploring the topic of what do I want, I am now asking the more important questions regarding what makes me happy and what do I want to feel.  I have been setting my sights on getting clearer on what makes me sad/angry/frustrated/stressed, and then even more importantly what makes me feel happy and inspired. I think starting there will be a key ingredient to choosing and creating more happiness.  I believe those answers can help me make some decisions about the future of my writing and art, my creative dreams/goals and my professional aspirations.  

 How do you want to feel in your life?

What makes you happy?

What makes you feel inspired?

Does writing a list and getting clear
on those answers shift things for you?

Want to do some explorations of the soul?
Consider joining a course with Jenafer Owen
that begins March 3rd called A Very Daring Tail.

Manifesting In A Wonderland

Today in Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine
is my latest article called
Manifesting In A Wonderland

My enthusiasm for bright new ideas and plans for the future has been lagging lately.  This didn’t bode well as I began to try and figure out what I would write about the topic of Manifestation.  In light of my floundering I found myself googling “What if you don’t know what you want to manifest?” except that I somehow typed it wrong and wrote “What if you don’t know what you have to manifest?” The change from want to to have to gave the question a whole new energy. I laughed a little and looked up and asked the Universe, “What is it that I have to manifest?”

wonderland image as seen on essencejoyclairvoyance.com

 Click this link Manifesting In A Wonderland 
or the one above to visit Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine to read the full article.

Mojo Monday ~ She: A Celebration of Greatness In Every Woman

SHE ~ She Harnesses Everything

“SHE is a book of qualities illustrating the greatness and strength of all women.  From ‘everywoman’ to exemplars Madame Secretaries Hillary Clinton and Madeleine Albright, to visionary artist Shiloh McCloud and poet Maya Stein, these woman represent the very best in the human spirit.  Author-artists Mary Anne Radmacher and Liz Kalloch have gathered these fierce and fiesty females along with their best advice for our life’s journey on the topics of leadership, friendship, adventurousness, collaboration, risk-taking, happiness, compassion and much more.  With words of wisdom from Madeleine L’Engle, Laura Schlesssinger, Rachel Carson, Oprah Winfrey, Harper Lee, Lucille Ball, Cheri Huber, Julia Child, Drew Barrymore and many others.”

The book SHE: A Celebration of Greatness In Every Woman is a work of art. Each page is richly designed enhancing the beauty and power of the words that were written by authors Mary Anne Radmacher and Liz Kalloch.  This work of art also includes words of wisdom from Shiloh McCloud, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Deanna Davis, Jennifer Louden, Christine Mason Miller and more.

I can recall how in January of 2013 Mary Anne Radmacher emailed me asking if I might be able to give her Shiloh McCloud’s private email address, as she wanted to contact her about a particular project.  I knew Shiloh wouldn’t mind so I shared it with her.  Later that same day I heard back from both Mary Ann and Shiloh about their delightful exchange regarding this very book project. Here it is finally in all its glory.

My friend and Cosmic Cowgirl tribe chief Shiloh was selected as the representative for the Mystical in the book. Here are a few images from the book for this particular topic.

There are so many more brilliant words of wisdom in the book.  More quotes to inspire.  More image and designs to please the eyes.  It is a feast for the senses.  The only thing missing is a musical soundtrack to accompany the book.

Here are some more images and quotes from the book to enjoy.

Authors Mary Anne Radmacher and Liz Kalloch
are about to begin a tour with their new book.

One of the big book events is taking place on March 8th
from 10:00 am to 3:00 pm in Napa, CA

Here are more details:
Celebrate International Women’s Day in a festival-like atmosphere!
Join inspirational author Mary Anne Radmacher and artist/co-author Liz Kalloch
sharing their new book, She: A Celebration of Greatness in Every Woman,
as well as Dr. Rhea Zimmerman (producer and director of Love Bomb The Movie
and local author Pam Burns-Clair, MFT
(We Who Took a Leap – From Where Our Mothers Left Off),
followed by lunch (which may be purchased),
book signing, wine tasting, local entertainment and
a room filled with inspirational women sharing
their unique talents/contributions in our community.
This event is FREE to both participants and the public.

Visit the Facebook page for the book SHE here.

You can find Mary Anne Radmacher on Facebook here.

Liz Kalloch is on Facebook here.

Lastly you can also find cards (even SHE cards) and prints by
Mary Anne Radmacher and Liz Kalloch
at a web site called Applied Insight.

She Nurtures Greeting Card (She)
“She nurtures. She gardens.
She calls her friends to play in the fields of excellence.
She commands respect by never demanding it.
She grows all kinds of goodness. She lives with intention.”

Mojo Monday ~ What We Can Learn from Anger

This particular article first appeared in my blog back in December of 2008.  I chose to share it again as I have been struggling with increased feelings of frustration and anger in recent months.  I decided to revisit this topic in an effort to contemplate and evaluate my own feelings.  I thought it might be of value to you too.

Anger is an emotion that is often viewed as negative and in some religious circles as sinful even. Yet anger is a human emotion, just like fear, happiness and sadness. Should anger be suppressed or ignored? What do we do with this emotion?

Let us consider a few individuals who are recognized for their contributions to peace. The idea of a person being both peaceful and angry may seem contradictory and incompatible. Yet I believe it is helpful and even encouraging for anyone who struggles with being angry to recognize that even some of the most peaceful people to walk this earth have experienced anger and expressed it.

Jesus
When Jesus cleared the temple of the moneychangers and animal-sellers, He showed great emotion and anger (Matthew 21:12-13; Mark 11:15-18; John 2:13-22). Jesus’ emotion was described as "zeal" for God’s house (John 2:17). Another time Jesus showed anger was in the synagogue of Capernaum. When the Pharisees refused to answer Jesus’ questions, “He . . . looked round about them with anger” (Mark 3:5). This verse goes on to give the reason for His anger: “the hardness of their hearts.”

Mahatma (Great Soul) Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi (1869-1948)

“I have learnt through bitter experience the one supreme lesson to conserve my anger, and as heat conserved is transmuted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmuted into a power which can move the world. It is not that I do not get angry. I do not give vent to anger. I cultivate the quality of patience as angerlessness, and, generally speaking, I succeed.… It is a habit that everyone must cultivate and must succeed in forming by constant practice.”

Mother Teresa

"When I see waste here, I feel angry on the inside. I don't approve of myself getting angry. But it's something you can't help after seeing Ethiopia." -- Washington 1984.

Daisaku Ikeda (January 2, 1928-)

Ikeda is President of Soka Gakkai International (SGI), a Buddhist association which claims 12 million members in more than 190 countries and territories, and founder of several educational, cultural and research institutions. Ikeda is a peace activist, prolific writer, poet, educator, interpreter of Nichiren Buddhism and environmentalist. He has travelled to more than 60 countries to hold discussions with many political, cultural, and educational figures, as well as to teach. In his book For the Sake of Peace Ikedawrites in the preface “I am against war! I am absolutely opposed to it!” He continues on later with “I am determined to fight against anyone who supports or advocates war. I will fight the dark, demonic forces of destruction. Another book by Ikeda called Fighting for Peace is a collection of his meditations on war and peace. In a description from his own web site the book is described as expressing, from personal experience, his deep loathing of war and his anger at those in positions of authority who would sacrifice ordinary people in pursuit of selfish ends.

In learning to better embrace and accept myself, I have needed to recognize and accept my anger and even my rage. This has been a huge part of growing and becoming more authentic and real. I grew up repressing any anger I felt. Scary feelings like anger were stuffed away and suppressed. My fears of "rocking the boat" and of not being liked felt very overpowering. There is no doubt that I had the people-pleasing disease.

The book Quantum Wellness: A Practical and Spiritual Guide to Health and Wellness by Kathy Freston addresses anger and I had one of those “Aha moments” upon reading this section this summer.

Freston writes, "According to Dr. John Sarno, the emotion we are most averse to is rage, anger that has gathered steam from being kept down and locked away. A lot of people who think of themselves as good people -- Sarno called them "goodists," because they tend to be very much tied to an image of themselves as nice and good people -- do not at all feel comfortable with such a "distasteful" and potentially out-of=control emotion as rage. If something happens in their life that sparks intense anger, these people tend not to deal with it, because they don't like what it brings up in them...

…A goodist might well submerge his true feelings because he doesn't want to rock the boat. He convinces himself that he has "let it go" when, in fact, by not allowing himself to experience his authentic emotions, they have just done unconscious. When we don't think we can handle something in a way that feels safe and manageable -ie., if we speak up, we might lose a relationship or job or, even worse, be thought of as a bad person -- our survival mechanism kicks in and buries the feeling in the recesses of our psyche. Those disowned feeling become part of our shadow."

The book then delves into how suppressing the shadow becomes the goal. "As Dr, Sarno put it, the brain is in cahoots with the body in such a way that when the repulsive emotion starts to come up, the body will quickly conjure an intense localized pain or discomfort that is big enough to make us forget what we were beginning to feel. Basically, the brain says, "Whoa! I can't let myself feel that rage. It threatens my identity as a good and nice person. Good and nice people do not have rage; it is unseemly and out of control." The book points out that the mind and body will work together to save us from disturbing experiences. It also points out that since we prefer to see ourselves in a certain light "we tuck away what we think is repulsive or frightening or disagreeable. But, because or nature is to evolve and become ever more enlightened, the part of us that is dark will constantly try to come to light."

Further on the author explains that "Once we make peace with our demons -- be they rage or fear or shame, and we all have them -- we become more fully integrated human beings...

…When you go about this process of allowing your emotions without judgment, you will be led into your Truth. Ask yourself if there is anger --- rage even -- that you need to connect with and then heal. Allow yourself to drop into deep sadness or grief even if your normal instinct is to pull yourself up by the bootstraps and "get over it."

Ironically I also came across a wonderful section on anger in The Artist’s Way: A Spiritual Path to Creativity by Julia Cameron. I say “ironically” because here is a book about creativity. Yet really this book is about so much more.

“Anger is fuel. We feel it and we want to do something. Hit someone, break something, throw a fit, smash a fist into the wall, tell those bastards. But we are nice people, and what we do with our anger is stuff it, deny it, bury it, block it, hide it, lie about it, medicate it, muffle it, ignore it. We do everything but listen to it.

Anger is meant to be listened to. Anger is a voice, a shout, a plea, a demand. Anger is meant to be respected. Why? Because anger is a map. Anger shows us what our boundaries are. Anger shows us where we want to go. It lets us see where we've been and lets us know when we haven't liked it. Anger points the way, not just the finger. In the recovery of a blocked artist, anger is a sign of health.

Anger is meant to be acted upon. It is not meant to be acted out. Anger points the direction. We are meant to use anger as fuel to take the actions we need to move where our anger points us. With a little thought, we can usually translate the message that our anger is sending us.

‘Blast him! I could make a better film than that!’ (This anger says: you want to make movie. You need to learn how.)

‘I can't believe it! I had this idea for a play three years ago and she's gone and written it.’ (This anger says: stop procrastinating. Ideas don't get opening nights. Finished plays do. Start writing.)

‘That's my strategy he's using. This is incredible! I've been ripped off! I knew I should have pulled that material together and copyrighted it.’ (This anger says: it's time to take your own ideas seriously enough to treat them well.)

When we feel anger, we are often very angry that we feel anger. Damn anger!! It tells us we can't get away with our old life any longer. It tells us that old life is dying. It tells us we are being reborn, and birthing hurts. The hurt makes us angry.

Anger is the firestorm that signals the death of our old life. Anger is the fuel that propels us into our new one. Anger is a tool, not a master. Anger is meant to be tapped into and drawn upon. Used properly, anger is use-full.

Sloth, apathy, and despair are the enemy. Anger is not. Anger is our friend. Not a nice friend. Not a gentle friend. But a very, very loyal friend. It will always tell us when we have been betrayed. It will always tell us when we have betrayed ourselves. It will always tell us that it is time to act in our own best interests.”

Anger is not he action itself. It is action's invitation.”

I also found wisdom about anger in Ed and Deb Shapiro’s article entitled “Ducks Don’t Do Anger” which appeared in the October 30, 2008 issue of the Huffington Post. They write “Trying to eradicate anger is like trying to box with our own shadow, it doesn't work. Getting rid of it implies either expressing it and creating emotional damage, or repressing it, which just suppresses it until it erupts at a later time. Getting to know and make friends with anger is essential. To make real change we have to change the way we think and react. This is growing roses out of rotting compost, transforming fire into constructive action, using the passion but without the destruction. We need to see what is beneath the anger, what hurt, longing or fear is trying to make itself heard. There may be feelings of rejection, grief or loneliness, so if we repress anger or pretend it isn't there then all these other feelings get repressed and ignored as well.”

What I have certainly learned from my explorations of facing my own anger and rage is how self destructive this emotion can be if it is suppressed, stuffed and pointed inwards. I am not one to lash out. I have always been one to internalize such feelings. The "goodist" in me was always so afraid of conflict and confrontation. The difficult lesson has been in learning how to constructively communicate my anger in a healthy way. If something upsets me or makes me angry I am learning to make better choices in expressing it. Usually for me it is as simple as speaking up. For example I have learned that telling my husband that I am upset that he didn't help out in the morning is a much healthier approach, than is harboring my anger which doesn't resolve anything. It is only by speaking up respectively and sharing my thoughts and feelings that he understands what I am thinking and how I am feeling. Only then can he respond and perhaps do something differently.

Activity ~ Make a list of things that make you angry. Include anything and everything. Here is an example:

Rude drivers

Toilet seat left up

Slow computer

Kids whining and arguing

Television on too loud

Getting to work late

Being interrupted by your spouse or children

Waiting in line

Next review the list and consider why these things make you angry. Sometimes what we think is making us angry, really isn't the real culprit. Let's consider rude drivers and toilet seats left up. The key here might be that you are angry that people are not considerate of others. Ask yourself if you are wanting and needing more consideration in your life from your family, your friends and perhaps most of all from yourself. The slow computer might really be more of a reflection of your frustration with not having enough time, or rather feeling like you don't have enough time. Perhaps you need more "you" time. More time to just be and relax. How can you schedule back and make that happen? If the anger kicks in due to kids whining and arguing, the television being on too loud, and being interrupted by a spouse and children, this could also be a sign that you are in need of more silence in your life and again more private time.

Suggested Reading ~ The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner, Ph.D.

Here is a long excerpt from the beginning of Chapter 1 entitled The Challenge of Anger

"Anger is a signal, and one worth listening to. Our anger may be a message that we are being hurt, that our rights are being violated, that our needs or wants are not being adequately met, or simply that something is not right. our anger may tell us that we are not addressing an important emotional issue in our lives, or that too much of our self--our beliefs, values, desires, or ambitions--is being compromised in a relationship. Our anger may be a signal that we are doing more and giving more than we can comfortable to or give. Or our anger may warn us that others are doing too much for us, at the expense of our own competence and growth. Just as physical pain tells us to take our hand off the hot stove, the pain of anger preserves the very integrity of our self. our anger can motivate us to say "no" to the ways in which we are defined by others and "yet" to the dictates of our inner self.

Women, however, have long been discouraged from the awareness and forthright expression of anger. Sugar and spice are the ingredients from which we are made. We are the nurturers, the soothers, the peacemakers and the steadiers of rocked boats. It is our job to please, protect and placate the world. We may hold relationships in place as if our lives depended on it.

The taboos against our feeling and expressing anger are so powerful that even knowing when we are angry is not a simple matter. When a woman shows her anger, she is likely to be dismissed as irrational or worse.

Why are angry women so threatening to others? If we are guilty, depressed, or self-doubting, we stay in place. We do not take action except against our own selves and we are unlikely to be agents of personal and social change. In contrast, angry women may change and challenge the lives of us all, as witnessed by the past decade of feminism. And change is anxiety-arousing and difficult business for everyone, includingthose of us who are actively pushing for it.

Thus, we too learn to fear our own anger, not only because it brings about the disapproval of others, but also because it signals the necessity for change. We may begin to ask ourselves questions that serve to block or invalidate our own experience of anger: 'Is my anger legitimate?' 'Do I have a right to be angry?' 'What good will it do?' These questions can be excellent ways of silencing ourselves and shutting off our anger.

Let us question these questions. Anger is neither legitimate nor illegitimate, meaningful nor pointless. Anger simply is. To ask, 'Is my anger legitimate?' is similar to asking, 'Do I have a right to be thirsty?'"