Mojo Monday ~ Do You See Your Essence?

This past Saturday I drove east for an hour, up a highway that takes me into tall trees and near to Lassen Volcanic National Park which is home to smoking fumaroles, meadows freckled with wildflowers, clear mountain lakes, and numerous volcanoes.  I listened the whole time to the cd These Changing Skies by the band Elephant Revival.  

My destination was Dos Aguas,  the home of friends and my spirit guide who I am journeying and vision questing with for 13 months.  The journey includes reading month by month the book The 13 Original Clan Mothers by Jamie Sams, creating an art piece/shield each month, fasting on the full moon day, ceremonies, and additional exercises/assignments.  I arrived and was greeted warmly by my friends and all their fur-kids (four cats and seven dogs) who all clamor, wiggle, purr, lick, jump for some pets, scratches and hugs. My guide and I spent two hours together, part of the time in conversation and then in a very grounding ceremony barefoot, under the canopy of trees over a hundred feet tall, with the water from Battle Creek rippling and babbling by us.  

I had been feeling overwhelmed with the demands of my day job for a few weeks and I had been under a tight deadline to complete a special project the week before too.  Prospects of potential opportunities and change also had me attempting to keep anxiety at bay. A grounding ceremony, bare feet touching the ground, time spent in that beautiful environment and reminders about what really matters most and who I am, were things my soul were in extra need of on this day.  

On the drive home, listening to more Elephant Revivial music I reflected and let my mind wander, all while keeping a watchful eye for deer along the sides of the road.  I contemplated what to share with you all in this Mojo Monday.  My thoughts traveled to one of the more recent newsletters I received from Dr. Margaret Paul, therapist and co-creator of a program called Inner Bonding.  I enjoy her insightful and thoughtful newsletters and her approach regarding such subjects as healing, wellness and healthy relationships.  She had shared a more personal story in her newsletter entitled Do You See Your Essence?  Here is her very insightful commentary about loving ourselves and recognizing our true essence.

Do You See Your Essence?

By Dr. Margaret Paul

September 16, 2013

I grew up with parents who had no idea they even had an essence. They believed they were their wounded selves, and that they were not good enough. Because they could not see their essence, they could not see mine, so I also grew up believing I was not good enough.

Everything changed for me when I finally saw my true essence.

Since my wounded self was programmed to believe that I was not good enough, I could not see my essence through the eyes of my wounded self. In fact, my wounded self was so convinced that I was not good enough that she spent a lot of energy hiding my essence. I could not see my essence until I started to practice Inner Bonding and began developing my spiritual connection.

Through my consistent Inner Bonding practice, my connection with my spiritual Guidance became stronger and stronger. By testing out, many times, what my Guidance told me, I finally learned to trust her.

So when she showed me the magnificence and beauty of my true essence, I believed her. That's when I stopped needing others' approval. That's when I started to be able to fully manifest my life.

My Guidance not only showed me how incredible my essence is, she showed me how incredible everyone's essence is. She helped me develop the ability to see and relate to people as their essence rather than as their wounded self.

Now I know, as Anita Moorjani states in "Dying to be Me," that the essence of all of us is love – an individualized expression of the love that is God. Not only are we love, but each of us has been given unique gifts and talents to enable us to express our love in unique and individual ways.

Inner Bonding is about learning to love yourself - but you cannot fully love yourself until you know who you really are.

Right now, take a deep breath. Put your focus into your heart and move into an intent to learn with your Guidance about who you are. Use your imagination to envision your Guidance – whatever that is for you.

Now imagine that you can see your soul essence – your true self – through the eyes of your Guidance. What do you see? You need to get beyond your wounded inner child to the child you were before you became afraid, and learned to protect. You might even need to go all the way back to before you were born, since if your mother didn't want you, or there was a lot of conflict in your environment, you might have already been afraid - even before birth.

See if you can FEEL the love that you are, and all the other unique and wonderful qualities that you are as a soul. You might want to write down what you see.

One of the habits I've developed is the exact opposite of self-judgment: I acknowledge out loud to my little girl whenever I behave in a way that truly expresses my soul essence. I tell her how grateful I am that she is within me and that I get to take loving care of her. I marvel at her creativity, her kindness, the joy she receives from giving to others. I praise her for her love of learning, her joy and laughter, her connection with people and animals, her playfulness and her aliveness. I let her know how much I value her deep sense of integrity and honesty.

In other words, I do what good parents consistently do – I mirror to her, throughout the day, who she really is.

Yet even this isn't enough. In order for her to believe me, I then need to treat her as a cherished being. I need to love her by taking loving action in her behalf. Seeing her is only the beginning. Taking consistent loving action in her behalf lets her know that I truly love and cherish her. This is what Inner Bonding is all about.

For more thoughts about
embracing yourself as your own beloved 
come read my most recent article called
The Embodiment of I AM
in Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine.  

Here is also a taste of the music of the band
Elephant Revival as they perform their song called Go On.

ELEPHANT REVIVAL

Go On Lyrics

Go on, go on,
Go on and find your life now.
Go on. It's alright.
We all feel something similar
Sometimes. Oh, oh.
Oh, sometimes. Oh, oh.

Don't wait, don't fear,
And don't work too hard.
Don't worry 'cause you're here.
You're here, through ever-shifting shades,
And now somehow. Oh, oh.
Oh, somehow. Oh, oh.

It's love, it's love.
It's love that keeps me high enough
And the drugs and sex,
Or the lost respect and sacredness.
And it's sad, and true,
'Cause most things can hurt or help.
It's up to us. Oh, oh.
It's up to us. Oh, oh.

I know, I know.
We're here to sow some words
And hope they'll grow, they'll grow
In moundless fertile hearts and endless fields,
We'll know, cause most things can hurt or help.
It's up to us. Oh, oh.
Oh, up to us.

Oh, oh.
All up to us.

Go on, go on.
Go do those things you've always wanted to.
My friend,
When the morning comes our dreams
Don't have to end.
It's true,
I'll be there when I can for you, my friend.
Oh, I'll be there when I can.

Mojo Monday ~ Loving Yourself

Dr. Margaret Paul holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, public speaker, seminar leader, consultant, facilitator, and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars for over 42 years.

Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into many languages.

Dr. Margaret Paul and Dr. Erika Chopich

 After practicing traditional psychotherapy for 17 years, Margaret was discouraged by the results – both for her clients and herself. She had spent years trying to heal from her own dysfunctional and abusive background, but found herself still suffering with anxiety and relationship problems. She started to seek a process that works fast, deep, creates permanent change, loving relationships, inner peace, and joy. In 1984, she met and became friends with Dr. Erika Chopich, and together they created the Inner Bonding® process. They have been evolving this incredibly powerful healing process for the last 26 years.

 Margaret shares that the number one problem in relationships is self-abandonment.  She explains how common it is for people to enter into a relationship with the belief that this other person is going to love them and will make them feel good, and make them happy.  They also often have high hopes that this other person will make them feel worthy and lovable.  The result of such expectations is that both people end of feeling very disappointed.  What often follows is that each person then wants to make their past, their partner, God and other things responsible for their unhappiness.  According to Dr. Paul and Dr. Chopich the key is to learn how not to abandon yourself and how to deeply love yourself.  They are very clear that if you do not love yourself you will not be able to love another in a healthy manner. 

When you heal the core shame of believing that you are not good enough, and create the vital connections which bring joy to life, you also heal self-abandonment. When you heal self-abandonment, you also heal problems with spouses, partners, friends, kids, family, co-workers, aloneness, emptiness, anxiety, depression and addictions.

Have you tried everything to feel good about yourself but you still experience feelings of unworthiness and inadequacy?

Do you turn to various addictions because you don't know any other way of managing your painful feelings?

Self-abandonment, which comes from core shame, is the underlying cause of all these problems. Self-abandonment is the cause of disconnection from self, loved ones and Spirit. The practice of Inner Bonding develops the deep self-worth that creates inner peace, joy and loving relationships

Dr. Paul has written a series of books, has a series of DVD's and the on-line program called Inner Bonding®.  Her books are as follows:

•Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?

•Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?…The Workbook

•Healing Your Aloneness

•The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook

•Inner Bonding

•Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids?

•Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God?

 Here is an article by Dr Margaret Paul called When You Love Yourself, You Let Others Off the Hook

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Do you believe that loving yourself is selfish? Discover why this is not true!

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Frequently, when I start to work with a new client, they believe that loving their self is selfish. Nothing could be further from the truth. A more accurate definition of selfish is expecting others to give themselves up and do for you what you can and need to be doing for yourself.

Letting Others Off The Hook

How are others let off the hook when you love yourself? Let us count the ways!

• Others don’t need to read your mind when you are meeting many of your own needs, and asking outright when there is something you need help with.

• Others don’t need to hold back, be careful, or walk on eggshells when you are taking care of your own feelings.

• Others can receive great joy in giving to you when they don’t feel obligated.

• Others can speak their truth when they know that you are open to learning and wanting to grow. They can be honest when they know that you will deal with your own feelings rather than blame them.

• Others are free to take loving care of themselves when they know you are doing the same, and that you support them in their highest good as part of being loving to yourself.

• Others can be spontaneous with you, knowing that if they ‘make a mistake’ you will take responsibility for your own feelings about it.

• Others feel free to be with you because they want to, not because they feel they have to.

• In a primary relationship, your partner will likely feel attracted to you when you are coming from your power rather than from your fear. If your partner feels obligated to have sex with you because you have made him or her responsible for your happiness and sense of worth, your partner is likely to feel resistant to sex with you.

• Laughter, fun and play flow spontaneously when neither person feels responsible for the other’s feelings, or feels obligated to spend time, give approval or have sex.

• Each person feels free to pursue their passion and purpose, knowing that their partner is taking care of themselves and not waiting for the other person to make them happy.

Loving partnerships are about learning, growing, and sharing love and companionship. They are not about taking responsibility for making the other person feel happy, safe, secure or validated. Paradoxically, when you fully take on the responsibility of making yourself feel happy, safe, secure and validated, a loving relationship supports and enhances these wonderful feelings. But when you expect your partner to do this for you, then your self-abandonment creates your misery, insecurity and lack of self-worth. As long as you are abandoning yourself and expecting your partner to do for you what only you can do for yourself, your partner’s love will never be enough to give you the happiness, safety, security and sense of worth that you seek.

Loving Yourself Means….

• Attending, moment-by-moment, to your own feelings, so that you know immediately when you are abandoning yourself with self-judgment, addictions, staying in your head, or making someone else responsible for you.

• Compassionately opening to learning about your own fears and beliefs that may be causing your self-abandonment, and open to learning about what it means to be present and loving to yourself in the face of life’s challenges.

• Exploring your limiting beliefs and resulting behavior that may be causing your painful feelings.

• Opening to your higher self for information about the truth regarding your beliefs, and the loving action toward yourself.

• Taking loving action in your own behalf, based on truth rather than on false, limiting beliefs.

• Evaluating how you feel as a result of taking loving care of yourself.