The Bogeyman Under the Bed

Come read my latest article called
The Bogeyman Under the Bed
in Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine

 

Mojo Monday ~ Weaves the Web

Gossamer threads of life hold me,
Perched between Earth and Sky,
Weaving the web, dreaming the dream,
Through the two worlds I will fly.
With you as my muse, Mother,
I create the substance of dreams,
Allowing the artist within me
To fashion my life with esteem.
I mold the clay of experiences
Into a sacred Medicine Bowl,
Capturing the essence of living
As it sings deep in my soul.
Your secrets of creation, Mother,
Have taught me when to destroy
The chains that have bound me,
Limiting the expression of my joy.
You have taught me how to labor,
Giving birth to the visions within,
Setting them free like silver arrows,
Kindling the fire of Creation again.

~ Jamie Sams

On Saturday I traveled up into the mountains to meet with my Vision Quest spirit guide and to gather with some clan sisters. As we talked and shared about the experiences so far this month I realized how fitting it was that an extra burst of creativity had been very much a part of my life.  As part of the Vision Quest spiritual journey we are reading the book The 13 Original Clan Mothers by Jamie Sams.  It just so happens that the month of October is represented by the Clan Mother of the Tenth Moon Cycle, Weaves the Web. "Weaves the Web represents the creative principle within all things.  Her moon cycle falls in the month of October and is connected to the color pink.  Working with the truth is her Cycle of Truth. She teaches us how to use our hands to create beauty and truth in tangible forms.  Pink is the color of creativity.  Weaves the Web shows us how to use crafts and art to create our ideas and dreams in the physical world.  Through using our hands, we show our willingness to be of service to All Our Relations."

In addition to the writing I do for blogs and Cosmic Cowgirls Magazine, and the creative process included in my Vision Quest, I have also been participating in the amazing course by Jenafer Owen called Storywalking: Retrieve.  (You can find out more about Jenafer's on-line courses at Inspired Inquiries.) We have been creating collages the past few weeks and  then this week during a guided meditation the most amazing traveling companion revealed itself to join me on my journey ~ a whale. Below is an artistic rendition of my friend as I envisioned.  The message my whale had for me ~ "We are going to plumb the depths...and swim among the stars."

I also could not resist participating in the course being offered by Brene Brown (and sponsored by Oprah) called The Gifts of Imperfection.  During the first week of class I wrote permission slips for myself, took the pledge and created a courage heart, which included a short list of my most trusted confidants, or as Brene Brown puts it, the list of those who love me because of my imperfections.

Permission Slips, The Pledge, Heart of Courage

It was rather interesting that even through I had read the chapter She Who Weaves right at the beginning of the month, I had not fully connected all that had been blossoming creatively in my corner of the world.  Of course October is also the month that includes Halloween, a favored holiday in our home, and there have also been creative opportunities in the creation of costumes.  My twin daughters chose to be a fox and and owl this year and we put together playful , comfortable and simple costumes for them to wear.

There is more from the introductory chapter about Weaves the Web that also bears sharing. "Weaves the Web is the Guardian of the Creative Forms in all things.  She helps us express our creativity in a positive manner and use the energy available to us.  The Clan Mother is also the Keeper of Life Force and instructs us to create health, to manifest our dreams, to develop and use our talents, and to access our spiritual potentials.

The Clan Mother of the Tenth Moon Cycle is the Mother of the Creative and Destructive principles; she shows us when to destroy limitations and create anew.  She also teaches us when to nurture our creations, because she is the Keeper of Survival Instinct.  When our physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual survival is at risk, Weaves the Web shows us how to tap into the life force to grow beyond this stagnation.  She is an artist, a creatress, and the muse who beckons and inspires us to create the beauty found in our heart's desire.  Through making something tangible and filling that creation with beauty, we are shown that the stuff of dreams can be expressed, giving form to our visions.  She is the Clan Mother we turn to when we are afraid of failure or lack self-expression."

The last sentence above "She is the Clan Mother we turn to when we are afraid of failure or lack self-expression" is one that I had somewhat suppressed this month, but has been ever so present in a deeper and more subconscious way.  On Saturday I also experienced a heart tuning by a beautiful young woman from Costa Rica who practices Reiki and is also a yoga instructor.  After the heart tuning she shared with me that there was one message she was receiving for me which was that "It was okay for me to release the fear.  That the fear was not necessary."  I nearly teared up at hearing those words for I knew I had been suppressing deep seated fear for a couple of months.  I had been pushing and stuffing it down, in an attempt to make it go away, and here I was being told by a messenger that I could just release the fear.

Grandmother Spider art by Amethyst Moon Song

Let us return to the final paragraphs about Weaves the Web from The Thirteen Original Clan Mothers.

"When we follow the steps necessary to bring our dreams to life, Weaves the Web shows us how to use the life force found in the four elements of air, earth, water, and fire.  We learn how to mix these elements with the creative essence that is our gift from the Great Mystery.  This creative spark is called the Eternal Flame of Love and live inside our spiritual Essences.  When the desire to create is in place, we are then able to make the decision TO BE.  We then give form our our Spiritual Essences or Orendas through self-expression.

Weaves the Web, life Grandmother Spider who wove the web of the universe, teaches us how to weave the web of our experiences.  She shows us how every circle we create grows to touch the circles created by all other life forms.  The webs we create can trap us, if we do not create them in truth.  We are asked by the Clan Mother to work with and for the truth in order to manifest a world dream that all living things can share.  A web that is created in greed with eventually trap and devour the one who wove it because it was woven too tightly to allow giving, receiving, and sharing.  A web woven too loosely, without care, lacks the craftsmanship that is necessary to make it strong and durable.  A web woven from fear will attract the lessons needed to overcome that fear.  A web woven from the love of creating and desire to share the abundance caught in the web's silvery fibers is a web that will endure until the dream is fulfilled.

Weaves the Web is the Clan Mother we turn to when we need the skills to make our dreams real.  She shows us how to take the actions necessary to tap our creativity and go with the flow.  Giving birth to our dreams is always accomplished by having the desire to create, deciding to create, and taking the actions necessary by using the flow of life force to give birth to the dream in the tangible world."

Image by Sandy Stewart

Has creativity been flowing in your corner of the world this month?

Are there dreams that you have been longing to birth?

Are there fears (fear of failure) holding you back?

What would it take to release your fear?

What do you desire to create?

Are you taking actions on your desires?

Consider this quote from the chapter Weaves the Web:

"Weaves the Web taught the children that every painted symbol had meaning to an artist and that every color had a significance when an artist created an object of beauty."

What symbols resonate with you?

Do certain symbols show up in your dreams, thoughts, art or objects that draw your attention?

What colors are you currently drawn to at this time?

Mojo Monday ~ Be the Change

I look up at the stars and I feel both small and big at the same time.  Gazing at the stars leaves me with both a sense of wonder and a realization that we are all on this planet together, connected.  This week’s headlines in the world news left me feeling sad.  Headlines that feature violent acts, which in turn illicit fear, anger, misunderstanding, disconnection, and calls for revenge and yet more violence.  Such stories can lead people to grow fearful of people that they don’t even know and it can lead to beliefs that there is an “us” and a “them.”

Recently my husband and I saw a bumper sticker that read “I am already against the next war.”  Yes, indeed, that is how we both feel.  Yet, what can we two small individuals do in the big scheme of things to prevent something as big as war? 

I have been reading a book in bits and pieces, as there is much in it to contemplate and digest.  The book is by Ed and Deb Shapiro and is called Be the Change: How Meditation Can Transform You and the World.  The authors include amongst their own stories the stories and words of more than one hundred meditation practitioners.  Those included vary from Oscar award-winning actress Ellen Burstyn, to Jon Kabat-Zinn who is director of the Center for Mindfulness in Medicine, Health Care, and Society, to best-selling author and inspirational speaker Marianne Williamson. 

In one section entitled “What One Person Can Do” here is what is written:

“One person can make a difference, as we have seen many times throughout history.  Usually, the only thing that stops us from stepping out and taking action is our own sense of inadequacy or doubt.  Rama had a vision of bringing people together, and, as a result, nearly 10,000 Soviet and American citizens have participates in her Citizen Summit programs.  And yet when she began this work, she was a housewife and a yoga teacher with no idea how or if she could do anything.”  Rama Vernon shares this about her story “The Cold War was at its peak.  The Korean Airlines disaster had recently occurred, bringing us very close to a nuclear war.  As I put my children to bed, they would ask, ‘Mommy, are we going to be blown up?’  ‘No, of course not,’ I would reply, reassuring them as much as myself.  ‘Our government would never let that happen.’  And then, through my yoga-teaching work, I was invited to travel with thirty others on a Peace Mission to the Soviet Union.  So, quite unexpectedly, I was in Moscow, standing in the center of what Reagan had termed the Evil Empire, behind what Churchill has called the Iron Curtain.  I was raised to believe that our thoughts create our reality, and what scared me most was that I was not alone in my fear, that thousands of Americans shares those same fear, and that if enough of us continued to hold those fears, we would create the very thing that we feared most.  I realized that the only way to change such a stereotype that we have been conditioned to believe is to bring people face to face with one another.  We could not take the Russians to the United States, so I resolved to bring the United States to Russia.”

While there is a great deal of depth in this book, there is also sometimes humor.  One such moment is when Ed Shapiro’s shares a personal story about him and his wife Deb’s private meeting with HH the Dalai Lama: “After some thirty minutes of discussion, I was feeling so moved by this gentle, simple, and loving man that I just wanted to stay there and learn from him.  I did not want to leave!  I was completely in love with the compassion and wisdom emanating from this delightful being.  Finally, I said to him, ‘I don’t want to leave; I just want to stay here with you!’ I thought he would say yes, how wonderful, I recognize your sincerity, but instead he just smiled and said, ‘If we were together all the time, we would quarrel!’”

It was both surprising and refreshing to hear that a revered spiritual leader and icon like the Dalai Lama could admit to at times being quarrelsome.   It also led to a brilliant realization by Ed when he shares this about relationships:

“So, relax, if HH the Dalai Lama, someone who meditates for a few hours every day, can quarrel, then so can we!  Inevitably, there are going to be times when a relationship is troubled, when differences collide and egos clash, when stories and histories intrude, or needs are not met.  But the holding on to such disagreements and the ensuing shame, blame, and hostile silence is the real problem.  There will always be times of flow and times of discord.  Having a disagreement or even getting angry does not make us an angry person; it is not the whole of us.  Who we are is still basically good; we needed to make a point and just may have done it in a rather unskilled way.”

Interfaith Peace mandala

When Deb and Ed Shapiro were with the Dalai Lama they also asked him what they could do to help humankind to awaken to caring and kindness.  The Dalai Lama said that people of different religions should come together in peace and respect and talk openly, honoring each other’s differences and similarities. 

Do you meditate?  If yes, do you do it regularly and why? 

What are your thoughts about being the change?  Do you feel empowered to create change? If yes, how?  If no, why?

What do you think you could do to make a difference? 

In the midst of events taking place on the larger political scene there are things that give me hope and that demonstrate how people from around the world want us to come together in peace.  On elephantjournal.com I came across a slideshow of photos taken at a pro-USA demonstration in Libya following the deaths of four Americans, including Ambassador Christopher Stevens.  You can find the slideshow of photos by clicking here. 

I have also been following the Israel Loves Iran campaign on Facebook.  The photos, letters and stories that continue to be published on-line are incredibly touching and show the very personal side of people who do not wish to be at war with one another.  Here are a handful of the photos that have been shared.

Hillary Clinton also made powerful remarks in light of the recent violence.   

If you would like to read more about meditation and transformation ~  Here are some more stories that appear in the book Be the Change:

Sylvia Boorstein – “The point of meditation is to keep the mind free of confusion. Meditation, past calming our nerves, past being good for our blood pressure, past allowing us to work out our own internal psychological dramas, which it does, past helping us to get along with our kin and our community, is a way of really deeply seeing the truth that the only way to ameliorate our own suffering and the suffering of the world is to keep our minds clear.”

Robert Gass and Judith Ansara – “We can get lost in the story, which usually has fault or blame attached to it---I’m feeling this because this happened or you said that---and so we have learned to just drop the story.  Even when we are not in the place that we would like to be, we do not process about how we got there or about how we are going to get out of it; we just stop, because otherwise we can start tearing at each other.  Usually, one of us will say, ‘Are we having a conversation that is contributing to the greater good?’  We get connected first and then talk about what was disconnecting us, rather than tearing at each other from a place of disconnection, thinking that will get us connected.”

Seane Corn – “First yoga changed my body; then meditation changed my attitude.  Then I realized that whether my practice was fifteen minutes or four hours was irrelevant because it was not about how yoga changed me, but how I, through this practice, can being to change the world.  What I really felt was how dare I not step into the world and hold that space?” 

“I first started by working with child prostitutes in Los Angeles.  I did not know how my life was going to change when I entered the shelter, but I met my shadow there.  I hated those girls ---and it wasn’t just girls, it was young boys too---they were so arrogant and defiant as they were so wounded.  They were also like a mirror in which I saw the part of myself that had been abused, and how I had nto dealt with my own defiance, arrogance, or wounding.  They really did not accept me at first.  Are you kidding?  This big-mouthed, floppy-headed white girls from new Jersey bounding in to tell them how to do yoga?  They slaughtered me!  It was the most humiliating experience I had ever had because I went in trying to fix them.  I did not go in there recognizing that I am them.  They took one look at me and were totally unimpressed.  No way I wanted to go back.  I sat in my car and cried and cried. The next time I went, I was way more humble as I had recognized that we were there to serve each other.”

Ajahn Sumedho – “We are not isolated entities; we do affect each other.  The more we experience this in meditation, the more we recognize how our own relationship to society need not be one of just being critical or putting up with or ignoring it, but of using our abilities, intelligence, and talents to serve each other.  If I feel a sense of ‘me’ as a self-centered isolated being, then I will just think of my own immediate pleasure or needs and I have no relationship of sensitivity to anything else.  But as I open to the truth of our connectedness, then I have a respect for all life; I no longer see others as just there for my own selfish exploitation.”

Kirsten Westby-  “I needed to mediate before I could even leave my room in the morning.  It gave me the strength to recognize that suffering is the human experience that we all have in one form or another, and not to feel overwhelmed by it, not to lose my balance…I worked with Urgent Action Fund for five years, traveling into war zones and listening to stories of what was happening to women and girls…More than anything else, meditation released me from anger.  I could feel anger coming up, but I knew that my way of surviving and working in this context was to let it go, to know that these boys were not the enemy, but were just as much a victim of this whole machine of war, forced into the army at such a young age.  Really there was no enemy; it was just a whole environment of people who had been used and abused.  I would constantly remind myself of their human qualities so I could start the day without any aggression.”

Joseph Goldstein – “There is one basic understanding that helps us in every dimension of relationship; that each one of us is totally responsible for our own emotions.  Some time ago, I was in a relationship with someone and as we were having a little argument, she turned to me and said, ‘Stop making me feel aversion.’  I started to laugh, which, of course, did not help the situation, but nobody makes us feel anything.  How we feel and how we relate to what we are feeling is completely up to us.  Generally, we blame others for how we feel; we think others are responsible for our mind states.  If we all took responsibility for our own emotions, then most of our interpersonal relationships would be a lot easier.”  “If we have the view that other people are responsible for how we feel, then we are turning over all the power to them.  We cannot control what other people do—their minds, their attitudes, or their behaviors.  But if we understand that how we are feeling is completely up to us, then we can reclaim that power.  Then, no matter what anybody else does, it is up to us how we react, how we relate.  Nobody can make us feel a certain way.”

Mark Matousek – “Albert Einstein described human self-absorption as a kind of optical delusion of consciousness.  Our obsession with physical survival prevents us from seeing beyond this primitive level, which is why meditation is so mind blowing.  Dropping below the animal level, we discover another way of seeing and being that is more vast, inclusive, loving, and durable than the fearful, self-protective mind we use ordinarily.  With meditation, prayer, yoga, or some tool for reaching through the selfish mind to our greater nature, we are doomed to remain in the animal mind.”

Mojo Monday ~ The Disease to Please

Do you often defer to the wishes, desires, and wants of family and friends?  Does your need to please and your lack of self-worth make it difficult to state what you need and what you want?  Do you find it difficult to stand up for yourself, speak your truth and face potential or very real conflict? 

Taken to the extreme a person who lets people walk over them is sometimes referred to as a doormat.   Taken to the opposite extreme, a person who thinks only of their own needs and wants, might be called a narcissist or maybe selfish.  What I have found is that the most healthy place to reside is in the middle. Staying in that middle area involves empowering yourself to know what you want and need and to seek that out, yet also to be kind and considerate of the needs and wants of others. 

In the past I have stood my ground when someone was trying to treat me like a doormat or take advantage of my kind heart.  However, my desire to please those I cared about could lead me to negate my own opinion, my own desires in order to make them happy.  Sometimes making those we love happy is wonderful.  I want my husband to be happy.  I love to see him have his needs and wants fulfilled.  The same goes for my children, extended family and close friends. 

Problems can arise though when we do things to please out of fear.  We may be fearful that if we don't do what our partner, family member, friends want, that they will be angry at us, perhaps even abandon us.  Our self-esteem may be low enough that we think what others want is more important than what we want.  We value others, more than we value ourselves. 

Harriet B. Braker, PhD, author of The Disease to Please: Curing the People Pleasing Syndrome, shares this about the topic, "People pleasers are not just nice people who go overboard trying to make everyone happy. Those who suffer from the Disease to Please are people who say 'Yes' when they really want to say 'No' - but they can't. They feel the uncontrollable need for the elusive approval of others like an addictive pull. Their debilitating fears of anger and confrontation force them to use 'niceness' and 'people-pleasing' as self-defense camouflage.

"They may appear to the outside world as perennial 'nice' people, but they are only concealing their true anger and resentment behind public 'happy faces.' And they are hurting themselves and those they would otherwise seek to please.""For many, the difficulty may start innocently enough with genuine and generous attempts to make others happy. But this seemingly harmless passion to always be 'nice,' to put others first and to compulsively please them even at the expense of your own health and happiness rapidly spirals into a serious psychological syndrome with far-reaching physical and emotional consequences."



According to reviews "The Disease to Please explodes the dangerous myth that people-pleasing is just a simple problem of going overboard in seeking to please others. It reveals the underlying approval addition, toxic mindsets that rationalize and perpetuate the problem, and the fear and avoidance of anger, rejection and confrontation that fuel the emotional avoidance pattern."

The goal of the book is to teach people how to "deal constructively with normal - though difficult - emotions and relationships, instead of trying to 'please' your way out of them. As a recovered people-pleaser, you will finally see that a balanced way of living that takes others into consideration but puts the emphasis first on pleasing yourself and gaining your own approval is the clearest path to health and happiness."   Dr. Braiker points out, sometimes "it's okay not to be nice!"

Do you identify with being a "people pleaser" and a "goodist?"

If yes, are you beginning to recognize that there are fears that drive you to please others, even at the risk of denying your own wishes and needs?

Are you ready to change? 

In the Clearing

Clearing ~ the act of making or becoming clear.
Clear ~ a synonym for transparent

The word "clearing" and "clear" have been especially significant to me the past seven years. I entered into a new phase of life that included marriage, moving to a new community and then becoming a mommy to twin daughters. Sharing my life with a partner has taught me so much more about the real meaning of commitment, compromise and forgiveness. Being a parent also includes commitment and compromise, in addition to self-forgiveness and the practice of a whole new level of patience with myself and others.

I entered into therapy for the first time due to some struggles I was experiencing in my marriage and as a first time parent. It has been eye opening to view my life as a kind of web and to really see how the various parts of myself from the past and the present connect. There have been revelations that have been positive and helpful. Others have been painful, but also in their own way sometimes even more helpful. When you find yourself caught up in an unhealthy spiral, to finally have that aha moment of clarity, allows you to then break free and move in a different direction, make different choices and really see things through new eyes.

During the course of some work I have been doing with Shiloh McCloud and the Cosmic Cowgirl University in the 30 day on-line class called A Year of Great Promise I have again come to see more "clearly" how often my thoughts can travel back into the past and revisit old stories and events or project worries into the future. I once read that FEAR stands for False Expectations Appearing Real and I have never forgotten that because it is so true. If I am reminiscing about wonderful happy memories that is all fine and good. However, if my wanders into the past are more focused on loss, grief, sadness, and those things that cause me pain, I am unnecessarily living them over and over again. In the opposite direction there is that thinking about the future too much. Dreaming, Visioning, and Planning out one's future is the best part about thinking about one's future. Yet when I find that my focus becomes more about my worries and fears about what could happen, then my focus on the future becomes unproductive and even self-defeating.

I don't want to suggest that all wanders into the hurtful past are self indulgent. Certainly it can be necessary to bring something from the past into the light so you can experience a breakthrough of sorts and finally move forward. An example might be when you are feeling anxiety and you really don't quite know what is at the heart of the matter. So you find yourself taking an on-line class with Shiloh and some of the prompts and questions prove difficult and intitally you find yourself resisting answering, writing and responding, but as you stick with it there comes upon you a realization of what is truly at the center of that anxiety. There is your clearing. There is that point of bringing what was hidden into the light. There is your opportunity for recognition and then release, or perhaps action, if that is what is called for in order for you to move forward.

In this clearing I have realized how profoundly my own thoughts affect me. I can allow my thoughts to get bogged down in thinking about old negative story lines from my past or worries and fears about my future. When I get bogged down in the past and future there isn't as much room for Focusing on my Vision or all the positives in my life or all of my many blessings. This is my challenge - to stop those unhealthy and negative wanderings and redirect my thoughts back to the present and what I am doing NOW. Positive thoughts create positive feelings. Positive feelings make you feel good and make you feel happier. This brings me full circle to my Life Vision. I want to be a force for Positive change in my life, the lives of my family and friends and if I widen the circle I would also say in my community and in the world.

It all starts with my thoughts and where I choose to focus them.

Ripples

It feels as if I have been catapulted into a more authentic life within the last few months. Only I know the real truth is that I have slowly been working my way up a winding road, seeking and searching for purpose. One of the big, glaring, flashing neon red signs on the long and winding road was FEAR. So many fears.

Fears....

of failing
of not being good enough
of not being liked
of being alone
of being rejected
of not being smart enough
of not being pretty enough

See how that word "enough" crops up a lot too in such statements.

I once read that FEAR is just an acronym for False Expectations Appearing Real. I can attest that those false expectations can be quite powerful and paralyzing.

Where I am leading with all of this is that I know that I am not the only woman to have such FEARS. At a women's conference I attended we went around in a circle sharing some thoughts. It was startling how many women, regardless of whether they were young, mature, thin or large, shared how they felt they didn't feel they were enough.

We women need to change these self-defeating patterns and thought processes.

We must begin to make commitments to ourselves.

We will value ourselves.
We will see our worth.
We will embrace our power.

We can't change anyone but our self. Yet practicing self-love, self-care, and self-respect will have a powerful impact on others. It is the ripple effect. How we present and how we choose to be in this world will affect others.

Just one woman, who feels good about herself and embraces her power, will influence those around her. Her children, significant other, family, friends, co-workers and people she interacts with in her community will all benefit.

Activity ~ Say the following statements out loud and preferably in a mirror.

I value myself.
I am worthy.
I am powerful.

Suggested Reading ~ A Return to Love by Marianne Williamson.
Here is a passage from her book that has become very well known in some circles.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves,
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.”