Friday, April 23, 2010

In the Clearing




Clearing ~ the act of making or becoming clear.
Clear ~ a synonym for transparent

The word "clearing" and "clear" have been especially significant to me the past seven years. I entered into a new phase of life that included marriage, moving to a new community and then becoming a mommy to twin daughters. Sharing my life with a partner has taught me so much more about the real meaning of commitment, compromise and forgiveness. Being a parent also includes commitment and compromise, in addition to self-forgiveness and the practice of a whole new level of patience with myself and others.

I entered into therapy for the first time due to some struggles I was experiencing in my marriage and as a first time parent. It has been eye opening to view my life as a kind of web and to really see how the various parts of myself from the past and the present connect. There have been revelations that have been positive and helpful. Others have been painful, but also in their own way sometimes even more helpful. When you find yourself caught up in an unhealthy spiral, to finally have that aha moment of clarity, allows you to then break free and move in a different direction, make different choices and really see things through new eyes.

During the course of some work I have been doing with Shiloh McCloud and the Cosmic Cowgirl University in the 30 day on-line class called A Year of Great Promise I have again come to see more "clearly" how often my thoughts can travel back into the past and revisit old stories and events or project worries into the future. I once read that FEAR stands for False Expectations Appearing Real and I have never forgotten that because it is so true. If I am reminiscing about wonderful happy memories that is all fine and good. However, if my wanders into the past are more focused on loss, grief, sadness, and those things that cause me pain, I am unnecessarily living them over and over again. In the opposite direction there is that thinking about the future too much. Dreaming, Visioning, and Planning out one's future is the best part about thinking about one's future. Yet when I find that my focus becomes more about my worries and fears about what could happen, then my focus on the future becomes unproductive and even self-defeating.

I don't want to suggest that all wanders into the hurtful past are self indulgent. Certainly it can be necessary to bring something from the past into the light so you can experience a breakthrough of sorts and finally move forward. An example might be when you are feeling anxiety and you really don't quite know what is at the heart of the matter. So you find yourself taking an on-line class with Shiloh and some of the prompts and questions prove difficult and intitally you find yourself resisting answering, writing and responding, but as you stick with it there comes upon you a realization of what is truly at the center of that anxiety. There is your clearing. There is that point of bringing what was hidden into the light. There is your opportunity for recognition and then release, or perhaps action, if that is what is called for in order for you to move forward.

In this clearing I have realized how profoundly my own thoughts affect me. I can allow my thoughts to get bogged down in thinking about old negative story lines from my past or worries and fears about my future. When I get bogged down in the past and future there isn't as much room for Focusing on my Vision or all the positives in my life or all of my many blessings. This is my challenge - to stop those unhealthy and negative wanderings and redirect my thoughts back to the present and what I am doing NOW. Positive thoughts create positive feelings. Positive feelings make you feel good and make you feel happier. This brings me full circle to my Life Vision. I want to be a force for Positive change in my life, the lives of my family and friends and if I widen the circle I would also say in my community and in the world.

It all starts with my thoughts and where I choose to focus them.

1 comment:

Abbey's Road said...

I have always known I am lucky to be your husband, but it become more crystal clear every day and insightful writing like this fills me with gratitude that you chose me.