The Red Boa: Mojo Monday ~ What Do You Want to Feel?

Sunday, March 2, 2014

Mojo Monday ~ What Do You Want to Feel?

"When you lean into your desires, you liberate your power - and your joy."
Danielle LaPorte

I have been contemplating the question "What makes me happy?" for a few weeks now. I have a Mojo Monday writing partner though her articles only appear on the Cosmic Cowgirl member sites, where my Mojo Monday musings also get posted. Trish O'Malley has been brilliantly covering the topic of happiness for a couple of weeks now. What I shared after her last post was the following:

"I read the intro to Danielle LaPorte's book called The Desire Map on Amazon for the first time a week or so ago. It really stuck with me when she shares how she and her former husband were making lists about things they wanted in their lives. And how it was a great aha moment when they suddenly realized that it wasn't so much the things, but the feelings they were hoping to attain. She shared how that shifted their list."

Danielle then goes onto list the words that flowed forth and the ensuing conversation:

Freedom!

Abundance.

Sexy.

Earth. Nature. Eco-love.

Connected.

Creative.

Temple.

True love.

The posts on happiness by Trish and checking out the contents of the book The Desire Map was timely for me. My home life is good. My hubby and I are in a really good place with one another. My twin daughters are almost eight years old and are such a total joy. They are fun and blossoming in so many ways. I love coming home to them and spending time together as a family.

Where I am struggling is in my professional life. At the end of March my 10 year anniversary with the agency I work for will come to pass. 10 years. It kind of blows my mind that I have been doing this job for 10 years. I still hold such deep gratitude for all I have learned and how my life has been enriched doing work that makes a positive difference in the world. My peers for the most part are all social workers who have masters degrees or who have gone onto get licensed. It has been a beautiful fit for me because I do have the soul and spirit of a social worker. Recently when I took one of those Facebook quizzes about which career would be best for me the answer was Humanitarian, and it listed social worker for a career. (You can find the quiz here if you would like to take it too.)

While I may have the soul of a social worker I don't have a social worker degree, though I wish I would have been better informed about my options in college. Instead I have a degree in History, another in French, along with a minor in English and certificates in editing and publishing. My creativity, organizational strengths and technology skills have served me well in administrative and office manager jobs in printing, education and then social services.

For a number of months I truly have been making myself miserable and sad with my own thoughts about success/lack of success and so on. I have had this storyline stuck in a loop-feed in my head about my being 44 years old and only making "X" amount of money. This partly surprises me because I have never been about the money. However, I know that tied up in this is feeling like I have hit the ceiling in my current position. Not to mention that I have also been in limbo for many months in regards to where a writing project might be leading. Waiting, when it could likely end with rejection, has been stressful. (Note to self ~ I really need to work on more letting go and anxiety/stress-relieving techniques. Perhaps re-read my own post about anxiety that can be found here.)

In exploring the topic of what do I want, I am now asking the more important questions regarding what makes me happy and what do I want to feel. I have been setting my sights on getting clearer on what makes me sad/angry/frustrated/stressed, and then even more importantly what makes me feel happy and inspired. I think starting there will be a key ingredient to choosing and creating more happiness. I believe those answers can help me make some decisions about the future of my writing and art, my creative dreams/goals and my professional aspirations.